A Special Kind of Day

September 24, 2007

This is gonna be a rough one to write. Not because it is lacking in blog-worthiness. Oh no. This would win blog-worthy awards, mind you, and win them by large margins. No, the reason this one is gonna be a hard one to get through is because it is on a rather touchy subject. Also, it may seem like it veers from the intent of this blog, which is to find joy in our life here with a large family. But I can’t NOT write about it. It would be an almost-sin not to. And when you have the sense of humor that my husband possesses, this kind of thing is FUNNY, in a someday-I’ll-look-back-on-this-and-laugh kind of way. See? That’s joy………right?

Okay. Last week my husband was given an “opportunity” by a higher-ranking individual in his shop. “Opportunity” in quotes because it was, really, what some cynics in the military refer to as “voluntold”. This means that they want you to FEEL like you are being noble and volunteering. They also want to feel better about themselves, like they are LETTING you choose, but what they are really doing is giving you a command in a nice, socially-acceptable kind of way. Except it stinks for YOU. The opportunity was as follows:

Watch other male military types urinate into plastic cups.

Yep. I’m serious.

See, the military does surprise drug testing of its members periodically. If and when you are called to be the testee, you must take the cup and go do your thing. But in order for no cheating to happen, another military member must watch you……from start to finish. There is no polite turning away of the eyes. There is no polite ANYthing about this, other than that my husband reassures each and every one of his victims that he enjoys this even less than they do.

Some of these poor guys have trouble doing their thing when another person is watching. Can’t say as I blame them. When we lived in Germany, my husband had to watch his boss do this once, and the poor man could not do what was required of him. In order to complete the deal, my husband had to stand on the toilet in the adjacent stall, and flush it over and over with his foot, while peering over the divider to do his observation work.

I KNOW I’ve never seen an Air Force TV commercial……..you know, the ones that show pilots strutting to their F-16s, and Navigators poring importantly over their charts, and the Honor Guard members saluting the fallen, and the lucky guys who get to serve drinks to the President’s staff aboard the Air Force One…….I’ve never seen the guy in those commercials who has to do the job my husband was assigned to today. And I’m thinking that this is not one of those things that recruiters use to entice people into the Air Force. Urination Observer. Oh yeah. Watch the recruits trip over themselves to sign on THAT dotted line.


3 Responses to “A Special Kind of Day”

  1. Mother said

    You’ve GOT to be kidding!

  2. Mel said

    Oh, poor guy!

  3. happygeek said

    You’re right, this is truly funny, but maybe not for your husband. I can’t imagine having to do that period, let alone for your boss. Cause that’s not awkward or anything!

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