Amazing Boy, But I REALLY Wanted to Title It….Step Away From the Cough Drop Post

October 30, 2007

Our 9-year-old has a unique gift. I call it The Gift of Useless Talents. These are various things he has figured out that his body can do, sometimes after much practice. They are also things that have absolutely no purpose in life, except to amuse him in down times. By “down times” I mean, times when everyone else is bustling around the house doing chores, and he is sitting in the living room wondering what all the fuss is about because he still has 32 seconds until breakfast will be ready, and he can SO do his 6 chores in that amount of time.

Here are a few of the Useless Talents that he possesses……

1. He can fold his ears over themselves, until they are clumps of flesh, sticking out from his head where his ears USED to be. He does this while he reads, or watches a video, or during his especially inspiring times of wall-staring.

2. He can fling a wicker trash basket into the air, and catch it upside down before it hits the floor. Thankfully, he figured this one out AFTER he had emptied it.

3. He can touch his tongue to his nose. And that’s all I’m gonna say about that.

4. He is extremely capable of staring at the video screen while watching a DVD about penguins and their habitats, and entirely missing my call for Chore Time, but somehow always hearing the dinner bell. Amazing talent, that one.

5. He can eat a pancake into the shape of a John Deere 1992 XT Combine, with a detachable thresher, radio, air conditioning, rain gauge, and rocket launcher. Oh yeah, and it needs an oil change.

But he also has many talents that WILL be useful someday. Here is a small list of them…..

1. He can make guns out of K’nex that have locking chambers, pumping action, bolt action, cocking action, can shoot “bullets”, AND have night vision capabilities! (Okay, I’m kinda stretching that last one, but the entire mechanism is there, set on the gun where it should be.)

2. He can build ANYthing you can think of out of Legos. That includes extremely intricate planes, farm equipment, kitchen appliances, gauze bandages, water animals, complete with fins and blowholes and little babies swimming along beside them, and steam.

3. He can figure out a math problem in his own little way that I would’ve paid people to teach me when I was in high school! I have to restrain myself from stopping him, and making him do it the “right” way. I did it the “right” way when I was in school, and it made me into the Biggest Math Loser in the Free World.

I’m not too worried about him being able to support a family once he becomes a man, because he is obviously gifted in the math/engineering venue. Although, now that I think about it, I’ll bet the circus could use a guy who has the floppiest ear skin ever created!


4 Responses to “Amazing Boy, But I REALLY Wanted to Title It….Step Away From the Cough Drop Post”

  1. Palmetto Boy said

    Hilarious! Your blog is a joy to read each morning; thanks.

  2. Nice Young Lady Who Reads Your Blog said

    Funny boy, funny post title. Don’t worry, I’ve let it go 😉

  3. Zum said

    1992 John Deere XT Combine-which- needs-an-oil-change-pancake. Are you SURE about that? Too funny! That must be one precious boy!

  4. Anonymous said

    Does he happen to have any blood vessels and bones left in his ears from all the folding???

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