The Longest Post You’ve Ever Seen, and If You Get Through the Entire Thing, You Will Receive an Extra Jewel in Your Crown When you Get to Heaven

November 3, 2007

I’m feeling mightily prolific tonight, so I think I’ll post again, although I’ll try to make this one less weepy and embarrassing. I’m hoping to keep the eye-rolling to a minimum, if possible.

So this past week was extremely busy for us. I think this one sentence could encompass EVERY SINGLE BLOG KNOWN TO MAN, except, normally, for mine. Because we are usually a family of sameness. Boring-ness to some. Stay-at-home-most-of-the-time-ness. And I have grown to love this about us. Because we live in the country, with never-ending kid-exciteable activities, there is never a need to go anywhere else to find fun or interesting things to do and see. Have YOU ever seen a fox trotting down YOUR street in the afternoon? Have YOU ever ridden along on a combine, while the very patient and kind farmer who rents all the land around you harvests corn? How about this one…….Have you ever seen a huge, blonde, not-too-bright Labrador, chase a rooster down and eat him for supper…..smiling as he crunches chicken bones, and spits out feathers? See what I mean? Who needs the mall or movies or arcades or even playgrounds?

So the fact that our week was busy is significant. I’m sure you’re dying to know why.

Here’s something I didn’t post about when it happened, because I was too busy jamming my fingers in my ears and singing Sesame Street songs at the top of my lungs, because that is the way I cope with denial. You got a problem with that? Back in August, we had a big, bad storm, which, here in Tornado Alley, is like saying that the North Pole is really cold, that ended up breaking a large branch off a large tree beside our large barn, and sending it through the roof, which resulted in a large hole, not to mention this run-on sentence. I must insert this one small point, because I don’t usually get to gloat, but in this one instance, it is so very called-for. A few weeks before this storm, we had been lovingly informed by our insurance company that they would stop insuring the (are you ready for this?) west side of our barn roof. Who DOES that? It’s like saying that I’m going to set the table, pour drinks, and put a garnish on each plate……oh, were you wanting to EAT? (Insert snort here.) How is this helpful? Oh yeah, it’s not, which is why I am so enjoying this. They told us that the coverage would last until September 2. The damage to our barn occurred on August 21, which was my birthday and, thus, very fitting, in my opinion. It’s not often that you get to karate-chop your insurance company, am I right?

So this week, we finally got someone to come repair the hole. But the thing is, you CAN’T repair JUST a hole on a barn that is 87 years old because once you start taking off the old stuff in that one place, everything else up there will just give up and want to come down too. So the entire west side of our barn roof is in the process of being replaced by a man who is no more than 4 feet tall, which must be pretty handy on pitched roofs. When we got the estimate for this work which, by the way, will not be paid for in its entirety by our insurance company because we did not get the REPLACE insurance, but the REPAIR kind…..all homeowners take note…….after we had picked ourselves off the floor, my husband decided then and there that our 3 oldest boys would be doing the clean-up work. Normally, this would be the equivalent of saying that I think it would be a good idea for us to keep our ice in a sauna to preserve its ice-ness…….until you factor in the knowledge that this clean-up would entail using our riding lawnmower. If the only male entity in your life is one with 4 legs, even YOU will understand the significance of this statement. So the boys have been cleaning the old shakes and shingles off the ground all week, pretty much, except for today when Roofer Guy showed up with 2 other guys in tow who brought a big jam box and the unsettling thought in my Mommy brain that the words used and subjects covered today may not be appropriate for 3 young boys who don’t understand that eavesdropping is impolite. Actually, they don’t understand that standing and staring at men wearing toboggans and wielding hammers, with their (my boys) mouths hanging open, bodies motionless, hanging onto every tidbit that comes from said roofers’ mouths, is just slightly inappropriate. So they helped me inside today. And this is where I start yet ANOTHER paragraph, if you can stand it.

Remember how we had a flood in our basement a few weeks ago? Oh, you forgot? Well, I guess I just didn’t blog enough about it but, we had a flood in our basement a few weeks ago. Yeah. We really did. So since we have no more area rugs to be ruined, we decided to lay those nifty little foam interlocking squares that daycares and gyms use. Since I couldn’t stomach primary colors, because they SO would not go with our eclectic style of plaid Ralph Lauren comforters, floral Ralph Lauren comforter, and one really cheesy DIFFERENT kind of floral comforter, I went with all green. Because I like green. And because it was the ONLY color that each comforter had in common. Upstairs, I match. Downstairs, it’s whatever we find for cheap at Goodwill. I only go down there when it’s dark.

So we have been laying these foam squares down. Who knew it would be such an adventure? First of all, the day they were supposed to arrive, each child (and there are 8 of them, remember?) asked me AT SEPARATE TIMES, when the package guy was coming. Can you even IMAGINE how infuriating that is? When he finally DID show up, I learned something new about my 3-year-old. She is highly interested in the size of people’s bottoms. She has brought this up once before, but I thought it was a fluke. Alas. She informed me that the UPS guy did NOT, in fact, have a big bottom. And I’m sure he was glad to know that since SHE SAID IT RIGHT BEHIND HIS BACK as he was bending over, which is the correct place to observe such things, but still slightly inappropriate, wouldn’t you say? And then, as he was leaving, our precious 2-year-old stood in the driveway, waving as he drove off, yelling “Bye, Man!” How cute is that?

The laying-down-of-squares began on a very serious and highly motivated note, but quickly dissolved into whacking fights with the edges that peel off each square if you don’t need them. And we don’t need 725 of them. So they have become kid-smackers, teepee builders, and game pieces. And we are still laying the squares down. It’s like a huge puzzle that you have to measure and cut and get really irritated at when you figure out that you can’t cut them at a curve.

So there you have it. A busy week here. And did I mention that I had to drag everyone to the dentist and then military clinic because I have an infection in a wisdom tooth that I was supposed to have taken out 2 years ago? And that the entire thing turned into a debacle of epic proportions? But don’t worry. I’m not going to go into THAT tonight!

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3 Responses to “The Longest Post You’ve Ever Seen, and If You Get Through the Entire Thing, You Will Receive an Extra Jewel in Your Crown When you Get to Heaven”

  1. Palmetto Boy said

    Never a dull moment on your homestead! Not only do we get to enjoy those adventures/misadventures, but, also, the colorful commentary by such a gifted writer!

  2. Anonymous said

    “BUSY, BUSY, BUSY!” says an interested reader. 🙂

  3. Everly Pleasant said

    I really like the long posts!
    I feel like I can relate to almost everything you report from your home…I have seven siblings all still living at home. From four to twenty-one!
    Everly Pleasant

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