Hot Artichoke Dip vs. Pregnant Me

November 20, 2007

Last night, I made this hot dip that I could just roll around in like a dog does when it finds a dead animal splatted on the side of the road. (Lovely mental image, huh?) In fact, I said that very thing at the dinner table, and silence suddenly fell over the entire house, which is hugely significant if you have ever been in our house at mealtimes. Or any other time, for that matter. Anyway, there was a little left over, so I had some for lunch with stale saltine crackers that I found from our Vomiting Extravaganza in October. But the crackers ran out before the dip was finished. And I couldn’t put the dip back in the fridge all by itself, to turn into a green, moldy science experiment because I do not buy crackers to enjoy it with because I would weigh 352 pounds if I kept those things in the house. So, since there was SUCH a TINY amount left, I dipped my finger in the container, and finished The Most Delicious Dip in the Universe up in that manner……not that my children should ever try that. And it struck me suddenly, that I could probably eat off the tips of a number of fingers with dip heaped up on the ends of them, before I would even notice.

THAT is how good that dip was!

See, here’s the problem……… I’m at that point in my pregnancy where I’ve done well with the weight gain and healthy eating, and now I just want to build a Burger King and a Subway and a Dairy Queen in my backyard, and eat EVERY MEAL there, plus 6 snacks a day, and also frequent them throughout the night when I get up to go potty.

Don’t tell my midwife, but junk food is calling me in my dreams. And I am unable to resist. I’ve decided to just go along with the notion I’ve heard over the years that my body must be lacking breaded chicken strips and foot-long steak sandwiches and large milkshakes. It also lacks Chinese food from time to time.

Just please don’t remind me of all of this when I post the announcement of the 14-pound baby that I am now very likely to birth. Because then I will have to blog very bad things about you…..even if I don’t KNOW you. I’ll just make stuff up.


One Response to “Hot Artichoke Dip vs. Pregnant Me”

  1. Zum said

    Hot Artichoke Dip? NO WAY! Give me the Dill Dip I’ve heard about. I could eat that stuff with a SPOON! 14 pound baby? Please, no; let’s NOT do that.

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