Our Fam

December 17, 2007

It’s not a very blog-worthy day today. Because it’s Monday, and you know what THAT means! So I thought I’d post about a few….um…..different things that happen around here. It’ll be fun! It’ll be humorous! It’s entirely possible that it may even be humiliating!

1. My husband “insults” me when I am cutting his hair. First of all, you just have to know my husband. He has been serious 30 minutes of his entire life. And both of his parents are dead, so those 30 minutes of seriousness got all used up then. So he’s standing there while I hold a 52-lb. set of clippers in my hand that sound like the engine of a C-130 as it’s taking off, and just as powerful, and I am shaving his hair down to…..well, inches won’t work because it’s WELL below any inch measurement, and I’m not so good with centimeters, so let’s just say that if he had any tattoos on his scalp, you could see them and read any words involved. You also need to understand that if I mess up in any see-able way, he will get flack at work in a major way. As in laughter. And practical jokes. Because SOOOOO many people in his building owe him payback in that arena in copious amounts. And he may also get a little visit from a supervisor who is not amused with the way he is portraying The United States Air Force. And yet, he entertains himself WHILE I AM SHAVING HIS HEAD DOWN SO CLOSE TO THE SKIN, I COULD TAKE CHUNKS OF SCALP OFF, by letting me know that he enjoys cottage cheese. As in the kind that is now resting on my thighs because I always get Cottage Cheese Thighs when I’m pregnant. (Is that too much information?) These are the kinds of things he brings up. Because isn’t he just so funny?

2. Our children run stairs when they are wound up. Or when they interrupt another person’s conversation. Or when they cause strife with other family members. It seems to work better than other alternatives, plus it helps them sleep at night when they would otherwise be bouncing off the walls. It also helps them learn counting and physics. Last week, one of our sons determined that one flight of stairs in our house possesses one less step than the other flight. But that other flight is steeper, so the exertion is probably greater. Maybe I’ll have them measure the degree of slope on each staircase next week. You know……just for fun, and Happy Christmas Vacation, and all.

3. Our 2-year-old now thinks that going to bed ranks right up there with Disneyland even though she’s never been. Every time we sit down to eat either lunch or supper, she will raise her eyebrows, produce a huge smile, and ask screechingly, “Night-night after we eat???” And when I tell her that yes, she will be going down for a nap or bedtime after she finishes eating, she assumes the same expression and adds “With covers?!” Yes! “And Megan? (the ugliest doll in the house that she carries everywhere with her, and who is usually dressed in 3 skirts and nothing else). Yes! “And music?!” Yes! And then she sighs happily and continues eating, all warm and giggly now that she is assured of bedtime in the very near future. But not JUST bedtime……….bedtime with COVERS! and UGLY-AS-SIN DOLL! and MUSIC!

4. Our kids are OBSESSED with coloring. We try to keep it to paper only, but if you’ve ever visited our house, you will know that sometimes the crayons wander and throw themselves against walls and doors, and make marks that no cleaner in the entire universe will remove even though we used “special” paint that cost $862 a gallon because “it goes on so smooth and you only need one coat and blah, blah, blah.” For that price, it should be like those little car-trip board thingies that you turn a knob and all the scribbles disappear. Anyway, my husband brings home recycled papers from his work that have forecasts for places in the world you’ve never heard of on one side, and are perfectly empty on the other. Perfect for coloring! Some of our children will take a crayon, begin to draw a war scene, complete with fighter jets and bloody infantrymen hanging from trees, and tanks, and guns, and guns, and night-vision goggles, and guns, but they will only get so far as an olive-colored, barely-visible-to-the-naked-eye-sized line, decide that the blip is not quite at the correct spot on the expanse of paper, crumple it up, and start over. And they’ll do this 9 times a day. Each. So that’s, like, 63 papers a day because the littlest one doesn’t draw yet because he’s too busy sticking plastic guns in his mouth to suck on, and those papers are only the ones they mess up on. Do you KNOW how many pictures are in our house, in SOME location, of anything from hunters in full-dress camo, to princesses with humongous heads and no hands, to papers filled with 82 trillion circles of various sizes and colors??? Boatloads. And somehow I am required to maintain my sanity while finding places to store them, and energy to keep up with them all.

That’s it for today. Now go and kiss your husband and kids and let them know how glad you are that they are not like the family of the Crazy Lady with 8 Kids Whose Blog You May Have to Remove From Your Favorites Now.


4 Responses to “Our Fam”

  1. Susan said

    I am glad to know that you guys are normal. Sometimes I feel like my kids are the only ones who have weird quirks about them.

  2. Leigh said

    My children are EXACTLY like this. And the doing laps on the stairs thing? Why have I never thought of this?

  3. trish said

    Okay…I HATE doing haircuts…he complains way too much and yet…I “do a much better job than the barber”…my flat top IS flat AND without his scalp showing through. And you are right about messing up…mistakes equal TONS o’ Teasing!And it makes for a LONG week at home til it grows in.

    Our girls didn’t do stairs…it was laps around the house or van while enroute downthe AlCan. Or jumping jacks…guess we didn’t have stairs very often.

    You probably are not old enough to recall the computer papers with little tear off edges filled with holes on them…we have lots of art done on that…

    And you are still on my list! Thanks for the laughter…again!


  4. Lori said

    All I have to say is that you should have put the part about your husband and the cottage cheese at the end of your post because the rest of your writing was lost through the my tears of laughing at #1. One of these days I’ll get back to reading the rest of the post, when I’m finished laughing, and I will not read #1 again, because I will be laughing too hard to see through my tears again. This was most likely SO darn funny to me because, I can totally relate (not from my husband’s comments, but my own) because I have that same cottage cheese even though I’M NOT PREGNANT.

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