Splattage

December 22, 2007

Today I had to go to my midwife’s house for a test that lasted all morning. Basically, I ate a delicious breakfast made by my friendly midwife, and she took my blood a bunch of times, and I went potty a lot for her, and she oohed and aahed over the baby in my innards. I really like her because of the oohing and aahing, and because she made me breakfast! The blood-letting I could do without.

So now I have to back up because I am out of chronological order and a certain one of my readers is bothered by that, for some freaky reason known only to said reader’s husband.

On my way there, I passed a sad occurence. First of all, it is not unusual to see all sorts of wild animals splattered here and there on the shoulders of roads out here. But you never see a bunch of them all in one place. Today, I passed 4 dead deer, all within 6 feet of each other, all dead and in various degrees of splattage. For the grammatically challenged, that means “the reality of being splatted.” And, just so you know, if you start a blog, you too can make up words and try to pass them off as real. It’s one of those obscure rules that no one knows about.

So I passed these dead deer, noticed they all were dead, and immediately started crying. Seriously. Stop laughing. And I’m driving down the road, thinking what a sad Christmas it is going to be for those deer, and how it was probably a family, and how some lonely little deer out there is probably wondering why Mommy and Daddy and Brother and Sister Deer didn’t come home last night, when suddenly, the part of my brain that lets me know when stupidity has taken over my senses, yells in my ear…… “THEY’RE DEER! GIVE IT A REST, LADY!”

And so I did.

And I know that as soon as I hit the “Publish this post” button, I will regret ever writing this.

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6 Responses to “Splattage”

  1. Nina said

    Hey Allison,
    Thanks for the comment. I AM still around, just incredibly busy the last week or two, and probably won’t be actively blogging again til after Christmas.
    I guess I’ll try pasting my posts to Word like you. I don’t even know what a thumb drive is, unless it’s the same as a flash drive, which I’m trying to find out more about. Thanks for volunteering your computer geek. Hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas.

  2. nicole said

    I like how you said “HAD” to go to your midwife’s house. I thought you would say “GET” to go. Hmph!

    Oh, well. I am glad that i GOT to see you the other day!

    Lots of love,
    Nicole

  3. Anonymous said

    LOL!! Poor “said reader’s” husband doesn’t know the reason, either, but has learned to live with it, altho he groans about it now and again. Some of “said reader’s” children, however, do NOT understand it at all, the same ones who pick up a book and turn to the middle and read to the end, b/c they “know that they won’t have time to read the whole thing and need something to do for 1/2 hour or 10 minutes or whatever.” *I*, of course, would NEVER DO THAT; I would not read the book at all, ever, (well, probably ever–never ever is a little too black and white) rather than start in the middle. A couple of the other children “understand” how I feel, but have their dad’s viewpoint balancing them out. And btw, I think “splattage” is a GREAT word! TW

  4. Allison said

    Hey Nicole, the “had to” part was referring to the use of various needles and the fact that you just HAVE to know how much I weigh each visit. Sorry the “get to” part wasn’t included. Nice guilt trip, though. You’re pretty gifted that way! Man, you have a lot of talents! =)

  5. Anonymous said

    Poor baby dear 🙂

  6. Susan said

    One of those poor little creatures just might have been the one that put the dent in the front of my husbands car. He hit a dear for the first time the other night. What a thing to put on your list of firsts.

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