January 4, 2008

Our children were given a little bit of money for Christmas. The boys already had a decent-for-small-children amount for working like trojans in 30 degree weather and gale force winds, picking up barn roof pieces for a week back in October. So they’re itching to buy. One boy is saving up for a shotgun, and should be put in the Guinness Book of World Records for possessing the world’s most amazing willpower……he went to Bass Pro Shop for his birthday, and DIDN’T BUY A THING! Do you KNOW how difficult this was for him? It’s like an alcoholic being hired by Coors to clean out the beer barrels each day.

Another boy searched online with me for the Most Amazing Lego Kit in the world, and while I don’t think what he found would qualify, it’s good enough for him. He was very concerned with the shipping amount, and soon found out that he could get TWO kits for the same shipping price, thereby stretching his spending money further. He also subtracted in his head how much money he would still possess after the price of each kit, plus shipping would cost. Cool kid.

The last boy, however, has definite issues with money. Like, he MUST MUST MUST spend it the moment he receives it, or the earth will become a humongous ball of fire, igniting spontaneously if the money sits in his pocket for more than one day. Yesterday was his time to look online for something to spend his money on. He began this half-hour with a definite goal in mind… find a Navy Seal G.I. Joe. Just so you know…..they don’t exist with the exact specifications of our 7-year-old. They must have 426 items of SEAL gear, plus MREs that will last him a year, cowboys guns with leather holsters, gum, flannel sheets, and a copy of “Facing the Giants”. Not happenin’. So after I had opened 78 pages of websites with potential G.I. Joes on them, I told him his time was up and we’d have to look another day. And suddenly, his arm shot out toward the monitor, and he yelled, “I WANT THAT ONE!” It was a random G.I. Joe that he had absolutely zero interest in 3 seconds ago, but now MUST have because otherwise, he’d have to wait an unspecified amount of time to be able to SPEND HIS MONEY!!! And that just COULD NOT happen! So I told him that he was not going to buy that one because he did not care about it, and he was not just going to throw his money on WHATEVER just because he wanted to spend. And I gave him the whole Parent Speech about how, one day, he’d be a husband and father, and would need to spend his money on groceries and heat and gas and insurance and stuff. Implied eye-rolling commenced.

Then he started crying, INSISTING that he DID want that G.I. Joe, even though it was Cross-Dressing G.I. Joe, with a pink catsuit, long kinky blonde hair, high heels, and holding a hot pink lipstick.

Not really, but it COULD’VE happened. And it so makes my point better than if I had said…..”It was a G.I. Joe that he wouldn’t have wanted once he got it.” See? Boring!


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