Another Post Featuring my Husband so you KNOW It’s Gonna be Interesting or Weird or Scary….You Pick

January 17, 2008

We got some money from my grandma (officially known as Granny Gumdrops) for Christmas and decided to use it to buy a new set of flannel sheets. We have one set right now that we bought in a ritzy section of Denver once when we were there. Basically we drove 10 hours to go to rich people’s yard sales and, oh yeah, attend a wedding while we were there. So we happened upon this couple, living in a 5000 square foot house with a dog and no one else, selling very fine linens and trinkets. I found a set of flannel sheets that were lavender floral and EXTREMELY good quality. And no apparent reason why she would be selling them. Normal people, if they had these sheets would be, like, USING them unless there was a stain hidden inside the folds or their 2-year-old had thrown up on them or a homicide had occurred on them. But there was no suspicion of any of those things because I spread each piece out on their driveway and inspected them. Then I asked why they were getting rid of them, and the lady told me, very matter-of-factly, and like, duh!…….”I got tired of our bedroom and decided to throw everything out and redecorate.” So I bought them, and we have been using them every winter for the past 4 years. A few nights ago, my diamond ring tore a hole in the bottom sheet that had recently become almost see-through.

So I suggested a new set for Christmas.

I looked at a few stores online that I wasn’t sure about, and basically agonized over the whole thing for a few days. Because I can’t stand paying full price for ANYTHING and I didn’t figure I would stumble upon anyone throwing away very expensive and useful bed items anywhere around HERE! So I knew I was going to have to pay a price that I would lose sleep over, and I wanted to make the sleep-loss worth it. I asked my husband’s opinion which was a mistake. Here is how the conversation went…….

Me: “Okay, here’s a new plan I have thought up to save money on the sheets. Since our pillow cases and top sheet are still in pretty good condition, I could just buy a bottom sheet that will sorta match and we could extend our old sheets for a few more years, maybe. Or we could go to Walmart and get a set for $40, but it wouldn’t last until Spring, probably. Or we could get a complete set, but that would cost $X, and that is really a LOT to pay, ya know?! Or we could just not have flannel sheets anymore, and use the money to buy diapers or ham or cable.”

Husband: “You know, you’re being a little weird about the sheets.”

This from a man who refuses to sleep on anything less than 350 thread-count sheets. See, a few years ago, my mom introduced me to a store that sells Ralph Lauren linens for dirt cheap. And I bought a few sets, and now my husband is a Sheet Snob. When I was within the last days of my last pregnancy, I put some thrift store, non-350-thread-count sheets on the bed for reasons that you can figure out when you know that we planned a home birth. I have never heard so much whining in my life, and remember, I have 8 kids! So the fact that he made fun of ME about the agony of picking new sheets was just hilarious and ironic and irritating.

I decided on Land’s End flannel sheets. I bought Land’s End crib sheets years and years ago, and still have a few left that I use regularly. If King Tut had been buried with Land’s End crib sheets, you could open up his tomb, pull them out, throw them in the washer, and use them for the next 84 years. So I felt comfortable buying from them. Plus they have a fantastic return and guarantee policy, so I knew that, if I birth this baby on these sheets accidentally, I can return them and get new ones. The reason for the return? I found a placenta on them!

Last night, I put the new sheets on the bed. My husband literally LEAPED into bed, went head-first under the covers, rolled around and around making noises normally reserved for people eating chocolate for the first time, produced many waves of happy shudders, and exclaimed over and over how soft and wonderful and cozy and snuggly they are.

And I’M weird about sheets.

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2 Responses to “Another Post Featuring my Husband so you KNOW It’s Gonna be Interesting or Weird or Scary….You Pick”

  1. Anonymous said

    Your husband – the big baby! Sheet snob – who would have thought it. You were right: Your post was interesting, weird, AND scary – all of the above! But I loved it! Mother

  2. Anonymous said

    oh my oh my oh my, LOL… I LOVE your posts about husband, they are SO funny!!! (sorry husband!) And after he finished all his “hoopla” he looked up at you and grinned and you fell in love all over again, right? šŸ™‚ We, also, love those Land’s End flannel sheets and for the past few years have used them all year long. TW

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