A Post in Which I Begin One of Probably Many Musings on Childbirth

January 25, 2008

I was talking to my mom the other night on the phone, and the conversation rolled around to the birth I plan to have in 2 months. Or less. But not more.

And she said something really really funny! She said, “Ya know, Allison, maybe THIS time, everyone will just sit around in the living room, talking and laughing and having a great time! And every once in awhile, you can just quietly have a contraction and the whole process will be long and slow and enjoyable!”

And she even offered to make the Second Most Delicious Dip in the Universe!

Afterwards, I thought about her statement and then remembered that the last birth she attended of mine lasted 6 hours. Which is very long and drawn-out for me. She skipped the one that lasted less than 1 hour and was 15 contractions total……start to finish. The one where we didn’t make it to the hospital. Actually? We didn’t even make it out of the bathroom! And she also missed the next 2 in the hospital that lasted 4 hours or less. Or the very last one that was at home (on purpose this time!) in which the midwife didn’t make it but her wonderful assistant did.

See, I am very efficient at just about everything I do. It’s a gift, and although I’d much prefer a more noble one, it’s the one I’m stuck with. Apparently, even my uterus is efficient, which is a pretty neat trick. The last pregnancy, I walked around 6 cm dilated for 3 weeks. It was so much fun to freak out my midwife! And when the labor actually DID start, it was fast and furious. I do not do the baking-cookies-for-my-midwives-and-friends-who-are-coming-for-the-birth-while-pausing-periodically-to-time-contractions thing. Or the straightening-the-house-and-remaking-all-the-beds-while-I-stop-to-breathe-delicately-through-the-contractions thing either. I don’t have time for that. The first hour or two consists of me moaning and pacing, with angels sent from heaven called “midwives” who have a magical back trick that takes away 50% of the pain, following me around, laying down vinyl tablecloths on the floor, and waiting for me to start Panic Mode. Otherwise known as transition. And then THAT lasts 30 minutes or less, and then Baby is here. And that’s it.

Well, not IT. But I’m not going there right now. I mean, I still have 2 months left! That means that I won’t begin my Scaring Myself to Death Thinking of the Pain That is Imminent extravaganza for another month or so. There’s still time before I become a Walking Pile of Blubbering Scaredy-Cat-ness.

And when I do, YOU’LL get to read the posts about it! Aren’t you excited?


2 Responses to “A Post in Which I Begin One of Probably Many Musings on Childbirth”

  1. Susan said

    Don’t think of the pain this time think of the joy of that sweet little blessing that will be laid in your arms in 2 months. That is exciting!!!!

  2. Nana C said

    My whole heart is with you, as you approach birthing again!!! you will birth in a grand manner, and be there to cradle and love your new gift. May the whole family be blessed!!! I love to hear you share. Nana C

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