Because My Cousin Made Me Feel Guilty for Not Posting Lately So Here Goes

February 18, 2008

Guess what hit me today?

I’m gonna be having a baby soon.

And I realize that I am a Complete and Total Dork, so stop rolling your eyes.

See, in my HEAD, I knew that I was pregnant because I have mirrors in my house and a husband who enjoys making me feel even more pregnant than I do, if that’s possible, and insomnia and lots and lots of kicking and squirming……..but my HEART had not caught up yet.  And by “my heart”, I mean really embarrassing episodes of crying at completely inappropriate, inopportune, and idiotic times.  Like at breakfast this morning.  Because I had finally pulled out my list of things I will need to have on hand for the birth, like the kit with 872 items in it, and old blankets and garbage bags and 78 hats for the baby which I don’t understand because I’m planning on her only having one head. 

And it really and truly hit me that I am going to go into labor within the next month or so, and a brand new person will emerge from my body, and now I am completely, out-of-my-mind scared.  As in terrified.  Which means that I will go to bed every few nights and cry for a few minutes and my husband will pull me onto his shoulder and tell me that my eyes are leaking onto his chest and he hopes that it’s not slobber that I am trying to pass off as tears and then I will laugh and feel better but still realize that I have to get a person out of my body in the very near future.  And while I am excited to meet her and love how a new person is accepted by all the other children and how they will pet her and fight about who gets to hold her and touch her, I know that, to get to that point, I have to do and feel things that I’m scared to do and feel. 

And now you’re probably thinking what a big, fat wussy I am, and you’d be right on the big and fat part, but there is not much else in this life that I’m a wussy about, except for entrails of wild animals. 

And I would just like to end right here and ask you when the last time was that you read an author who was so gifted in her writing, that she was able to have the words “pregnant” and “entrails of wild animals” in the same article. 


12 Responses to “Because My Cousin Made Me Feel Guilty for Not Posting Lately So Here Goes”

  1. Susan said

    I can understand. Every once in a while I start thinking about what I have to do to have this gift and I get a little bit freaked out. I still have time to push it away. You know God will get you through it and it will all be over before you know it.
    God bless you.

  2. Mindy said

    I definitely identify. I’m praying for you!

  3. Heather said

    I have always said that being pregnant is like being on the log ride.

    You know…..when you get on the log ride it takes you up a steep hill where you then begin a fairly calm boat ride. It’s a pretty nice ride, although there may be some bumps. Then, just when you start feeling pretty relaxed….you come to the part where you can no longer see what’s ahead. It’s a drop. A long, scary drop. You ask if you can get off and that sadistic person who is controlling your destiny throws back their head and laughs in a way that rivals any good movie villian. You let out a gutteral scream as the nose of the log begins over the edge……..

    Much like being pregnant. Labor IS the top of the log ride. And Allison…..your log is getting close to the drop.

    The funny thing is….after you arrive safely at the bottom, some how your memory of begging for your life at the top of the drop is erased and you usually get right back in line and do it all over again. See….just like pregnancy. You have rode the log ride many times….I don’t suspect this will be your last ride. So, hold on tight!!!


  4. Nina said

    Only once….. it was a western novel, Larry McMurtry I believe….just kidding.
    I’m sorry your scared but I don’t have much experience that would help you, being a diehard epidural girl myself.
    Don’t be so hard on yourself though- you’re not a wuss.
    When it comes to childbirth, that title is reserved for people like…. well, like diehard epidural girls.
    I’m excited for you but I have to say, I’m already going through anticipatory withdrawal from your posts.

  5. oliveplants said

    Heather, great analogy! I’ll have to remember that one! Thanks for the encouragement.


  6. oliveplants said

    Nina, thanks for the comment! I can always count on you to make me feel better by making fun of yourself. That’s a gift! =)
    And why are you preparing for withdrawal from my blog?! The new baby will understand my need to post often, and fit right into that schedule. Right?


  7. Lori said

    I love the part about your hubby! Slobbering…that would be a hubby (your hubby) type comment. And I hear you look FABULOUS so don’t go making fat jokes – after all – you’re not fat…you’re FULL! There’s a distinct difference in the two! Great way to put it Heather! I LOVED the log ride!

  8. Kristen said

    I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty! I was just worried! Glad to see you’re back though!!!
    Love ya!

  9. oliveplants said

    Kristen, I was just ribbin’ ya! You’re actually my favorite short cousin, so don’t be offended. =)

    Lori, thanks for the encouragement and for telling me I look good even though you live, like, 12 states from me. =) Thanks for the comment….it made my day!

    Aunt Duane, WHERE have you been lately?!!!! Missed your sweet comments, cheerfulness, and encouragement.


  10. Nana C said

    I can’t physically be with you, but my heart and soul will be pushing you, and God will give you the strength!!!!! I remember with Susan, pray, breathe, pray, breathe. Good sharing Allison,, Nana C

  11. Mother said

    Oh, Allison, your post was excellent! So open. So frank. So courageous to share with everyone your innermost feelings and fears. That takes a gutsy lady – and you are that! I confess, I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes when the time comes but I WOULD like to be right there beside you, cheering all the way! And, Lord willing, I’ll be there doing my part! Looking forward to our newest little blessing from the Lord.

  12. Zum said

    What a GREAT analogy by Heather! SUCH a perfect description. Thanks Heather!

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