Birth Rehearsal

February 29, 2008

Last night, my midwife and her sweet assistant came over to our home for what is referred to as a Birth Rehearsal.  I have never had one of these before a birth and felt like I should be wearing some sort of costume or something.  I had the props, which included sterile gloves and a vinyl tablecloth and diapers for the baby, etc.  And I had them all in separate boxes with labels depending on what was inside or when they would be needed.  That may have scared my midwives though, so I hope they are still planning on being here since having babies by myself in the bathtub, while fantastic blog-fodder, doesn’t reduce the fear issues I am currently working through. 

It was an interesting evening.  My midwives TRIED to be professional and serious-but-in-a-good-way, but my husband kept telling placenta jokes, and this blog kept coming up, and I kept trying to squelch my fear by making snide remarks, and now I think my midwives are a little worried about the couple with the almost 9 kids who can’t seem to have a serious or remotely intelligent thought in their heads.  It all climaxed when my midwife brought out a sweatshirt, pointed one sleeve at us, and proceeded to show how the head is SUPPOSED to be born.  Because after all the babies that I have pushed out, I found out I was doing it ALL WRONG!  Amazing!  And then I just about fainted because it looked to me like she had decapitated a baby doll in order to have this macabre show-and-tell!  And I pictured that nice midwife of mine, twisting and jerking a plastic baby doll, impatiently banging its head on the table,  yelling at it, and pulling it by the hair……until that head finally popped off so she could push it through a sweatshirt sleeve to show her clients how babies come out.  Disturbing, huh? 

But it was really a grapefruit. Whew!

Also?  I made a list of all the things I wanted them to know about the things that go on with me in my labors so they wouldn’t be weirded-out when they, say, entered the house to find me in my favorite red plaid nightgown and my new yummy pink striped wool socks.  What?  I think that’s important!


3 Responses to “Birth Rehearsal”

  1. Susan said

    The sweatshirt incident is very interesting. I have never heard of anyone demonstrating birth that way before. You must be getting close.

  2. Kristen said

    Wow! Birth rehearsal! Somehow I think you might get more than one blog out of something like this! That was great! We were rolling! We are praying that all goes well for you and the new little one! Love ya!

  3. Nana C said

    love the post Allison, and I love grapefruit!!!! Remember to squeeze God’s hand during labor, He holds you in His hands. Love Nana C

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