Another Post in Which I Admit Extreme Emotional-ness, Pathetic-ness, and General Neediness. Skip if You’re Rolling Your Eyes Right Now.

March 12, 2008

So I sat in an empty tub last night and cried like a baby, with my husband watching helplessly.  And he only attempted one joke, and immediately realized what a bad idea that was, so it didn’t happen again.

Let me tell ya……it was a FUN evening!  Let’s just say that I found out that I am over halfway to the pushing-the-baby-out stage, and labor hasn’t even begun yet, which sounds all nice and easy and well-you-won’t-have-far-to-go-once-it-DOES-begin, but is really just very very scary to me right now.  Have I mentioned my fear of labor lately?  No?  Well, I’m scared of labor.  No, really.  I am.

But then after the intial 15 minutes of sobbing and rubbing my eyes and getting all splotchy-faced and feeling like a total dork in front of this man who admires me for my resourcefulness and inner strength, the Lord started reminding me of important things that I had forgotten.  Like how the last baby I had in a hospital with an epidural ended in a 5-day spinal headache of epic proportions, and the feeling that I had gone into the library to check out a book, and had come out with a baby.  And I felt almost nothing towards her for months.  Because my body and labor and birth had been so managed by OTHERS, that I did not feel ANYTHING, and thus, was robbed of the awesomeness of the incredible miracle and feat of laboring naturally as God intended.  I know this is controversial, and there are only a handful of women out there who would birth at home.  But I have done it both ways, and can honestly say that birth at home just feels right and natural.  And when that baby comes out of you after X number of hours of work and pain and tears and (maybe) screams, you feel part of a miracle!  And you ARE!

But I can also say that birthing in the hospital has its positives also.  Like, watching HGTV while you’re in labor.  Do you KNOW how cool that is?!  And juice.  So many choices!  And after the birth, they are brought to you on a tray whenever you ring the little bell.  It really doesn’t work that way at home, even when I’ve tried it.  It entails my husband having to extract himself from various small bodies to answer my call, and while he is attempting to honor the request, he must stop 12 times to wipe a bottom here, and reprimand an attitude there, and help put on a necklace, and tie a shoe, and 8 other things that I don’t even SEE because I’m laying in bed with my cute little baby, thinking about how wonderful she is when she’s NOT sucking on me like a Hoover, making my toenails curl with each draw.  Not that I’m complaining.  Just sayin’.

So there you have it.  The blow-by-blow emotional psyching-up-for-labor of one truly pathetic mom of soon-to-be 9. 

You’re gonna remove me from your feed reader now, aren’t you?


14 Responses to “Another Post in Which I Admit Extreme Emotional-ness, Pathetic-ness, and General Neediness. Skip if You’re Rolling Your Eyes Right Now.”

  1. Heather said

    You have every right and reason to be scared! Labor is painful and definitely low on the fun scale. I did the same thing through my pregnancies. I was fine until the very end and then I would begin to panic.

    Continue to press on toward the ‘prize’- a tiny miracle that God has knit together in your womb who will, someday, rise up and call you blessed! 🙂

    I wish you a day filled with peace, enough mishaps to write a great blog, and some quiet time with Him.


  2. Nana C said

    yes, many years ago after two babies in a hospital and not even knowing that midwifery existed, I do know the joy and I am with you in the pain, which can and are getting through with your God and your wonderful, caring husband. After being with Susan at childbirth, there is a truly greatness which as women God has given us. Remember to squeeze His hand. Love Nana C

  3. Susan said

    I understand the sitting in the bathtub and crying. I do that for about the last two weeks everytime thinking to myself I am never going to have this baby.

    I also agree with you on the homebirth. I had three in the hospital and three at home I would not do it any other way. Being at home makes the whole bonding process easier on the whole family.

  4. joanna said

    i am so nervous with you. i am praying that all goes well and that the joy greatly outweighs the fear.

    i’ve never watched hgtv while in labor but i think i’ll have to try that next time. what about the ice? i actually look forward to labor because i get to chew on that delictable ice!

  5. Lori said

    I admire the strength that God has given you! Yes, you may be ‘scared’ right now, but regardless of that, you and your hubby have chosen to let Him design your family: giving the reigns back to the Lord, after every baby, saying, “not my will, but yours be done”. You could very easily say, nope, no more…I’ve done my part.

    Just try to keep in mind and focus on, the scriptures the Lord gave us, one for every day of the year, that tells us not to fear.

    I know – easier said than done right now! Blessings of Peace to you right now Sister!

  6. Lori said

    By the way…why was the tub you were sitting in EMPTY?

  7. Johanna said

    Here are prayers that your fear will pass. Since my babies have been more than content to stay in my womb until they are three (well, maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration), I have always looked forward to labor just to get them out!

    May the God of Peace reign in your life right now!

  8. oliveplants said

    Lori…….I was sitting in an empty tub because I had drained it in order to get out, but instead decided to be an emotional, pathetic, increasingly whiny DORK, so by the time all THAT kicked in, the tub was empty, my husband put a towel around me while I sat and sobbed, and, incidentally, I had a TERRIBLE hair day the next day because it dried totally slicked back, smashed to my head, while I cried. So I ended that lovely evening, splotchy-faced, cottage-cheesey, hugely pregnant, sheepish, and with a really bad ‘do.
    And that’s not something you could’ve figured out?! Like, duh! Doesn’t that happen to EVERYONE, like, once a week or something? =)

  9. Kristen said

    That sounds awful! I am glad your husband was there to help you out! We are all anxiously waiting with you.

  10. Lori said

    How funny! You know, it is by God’s abundant Grace (and a lot of talent) that you can look at all of these things and laugh about them. I don’t remember where I heard this, but just recently someone told me “if you are going to laugh about it in the furture, you can laugh about it now” I think I need to remember that more often.

  11. Ashley said

    I just read this post after I commented on the more recent post. I’ve only had one (like I said) but I thought going into it that I was the CHICKEN of all women when it came to labor. My whole life I was told how horrible it was and how I would have to have a C-section. I was terrified!! I didn’t birth at home but we had a very detailed birth plan and an EXCELLENT OB and so we had as close to a home birth experience you can have in hospital. Fortunately though I didn’t get to the hospital until I was in transition so I wasn’t able to watch HGTV… I’m sure I would have enjoyed that though! My mother-in-law has 11 children. She’s birthed all at home and she says she gets nervous with everyone. You can do it (if you’re not already doing it… not sure when your due or anything)!! Praying for you.

  12. Erica said

    I came across your blog tonight…and I am kind of in the same boat…a bit, it’s actually a bit freaky.

    First, my 4 year old daughter, when I had her, I ended up with a spinal headache too…which was HORRIBLE and a HORRID story, which I am sure is similar to yours.

    My second baby was a quick birth, horrible intense and was still not the best hospital experience.

    I am now 38.5 weeks pregnant with my 3rd. And, I am having this one at home with a midwife.
    And I have been having contractions for 2 weeks now. The ones that are the most intense, make me think..okay this is it….but they end up going away.
    It’s getting very frustrating.
    When are you due?

  13. Erica said

    It;s me again. I fixed my link.

  14. I just found your blog through a friend’s, and I have to tell you that…I don’t really know…but…I get you. I do. And you shouldn’t be embarassed. Or scared. Remember, you are in the arms of Almighty Perfect Love, and Perfect Love casts out fear. Have you ever heard the song “Rest Easy” by Audio Adrenaline? It’s from God to you, and here’s the chorus:

    Rest easy,
    Have no fear.
    I love you perfectly,
    and love drives out fear.

    I’ll take your burdens,
    You take my grace…
    Rest easy,
    in my embrace.

    I have four children – the oldest is 4 years and 2 months older than the youngest – and had them all naturally. I know the fear you’re feeling. I know the hormones that drive that fear. I know the God who invented those hormones. And He wins. Every time. Your pain is real. Your emotions are real and legitimate. Remember that Jesus wept with Mary & Martha…He hurts with you too. He loves you.

    And above all…YOU’RE NOT CRAZY!

    May God bless your socks off!!!

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