My Mother’s Day

May 12, 2008

After a series of unfortunate injuries, one of which included a guilt trip of epic proportions, The Greatest Mouser in the History of the World had to be put down last week.

Yesterday, we held her funeral.

As the children all stood around the hole, waiting to lower her furry little body into the ground, Daddy educated them on what happens at people’s deaths and funerals.  He talked about caskets and embalming and 21-gun-salutes, and quickly bunny-trailed into his career as an Air Force Honor Guard member who was required to stand out in -427 degree weather to play taps at the ends of military funerals, and how, sometimes there were flies all around his head but he couldn’t swat at them, and sometimes it was raining and, other times, it was snowing, and sometimes they had to drive for hours and hours and hours in order to basically give the widow a folded flag, squeeze off a few rounds of blanks, blow his horn, and drive back home again.

And, somehow, our small children were supposed to figure out how all of this extra information related to their little kitty biting the dust last week.

Finally, the ceremony was performed.  The two oldest children read a few verses in the Bible that they had found, and we all told what we had loved about Meg.  Then, as she was lowered to her final resting place behind the barn, the 6-year-old put her face, dramatically, into her hands and cried the most pitiful, fakest cry you have ever heard, while scrunching up her face and attempting, at length, to conjure up actual tears.  Then all the children threw bouquets of flowers into the hole, one of which was a handful of dandelions with all the petals pulled off.  Yep.  Bald flowers.  And the funeral director performed the entire ceremony while drinking Dr. Pepper.

And the deceased was encased not in a tiny little pet casket, but in a……are you ready?

empty kitty litter container.  Bulk kitty litter.  From Sam’s.

We’re a classy bunch, aren’t we?

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3 Responses to “My Mother’s Day”

  1. Momma said

    Woooooooh! Oh my stars! I just laughed and laughed out loud at this one – Dr. Pepper and all. From your wonderful rendition, I don’t think the local funeral home directors have anything to worry about. 🙂 Sounds as if their businesses are secure! Great post! (Sympathies to you all regarding Meg. She was a good kitty and a well-loved member of the family. I know you will miss her.)

  2. joanna said

    Look at the bright side…one less body to transport across the country. Heh, heh.

  3. Granny Gumdrops said

    “Classy” bunch isn’t the word for it. “Nutty” bunch would be better.

    And tell the man of the house that I am very displeased with him because he didn’t play Taps for the kitty. The least he could have done was squeeze out one or two notes! But maybe he ran out of hot air with all of his bunny-trails.

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