Three Hairs

July 14, 2008

Answer me a question, would ya?

Is it really so difficult to believe that a family that you have never met before, never seen, never even HEARD about actually has 9 children?  I mean, is it REALLY that hard to comprehend?

Because I think some sort of record was hit last week when I called 72 different places to set up reservations for moving. 

Lodging on base here before we go.  Lodging on base THERE when we arrive.  And a hotel along the way.

Okay, that’s only 3, but it FELT like 72.  Also, I try to make my stress-level appear more valid by exaggerating.  Because it makes me feel better to think that I lost it over 72 comments-about-the-size-of-our-family instead of 3.

There’s not a problem with that, is there?

Okay, here was one of the conversations.  And just so you know, this one has various OTHER issues that I could blog about for an entire MONTH, but I will just keep it to this one subject.

Although it may just hurt me to do so, because, frankly, the blog-worthiness?

Through. The. Roof.


Caller:  “Hello.  Is Yummy Man there?” (She doesn’t yet realize that he is, indeed, Yummy Man, but since she will be finding that out very soon, I will just let you figure out that she didn’t actually SAY “Yummy Man”, although, in a matter of weeks, will definitely be THINKING it.  Anyway.)

Me:  “No.  He is still on his way home from work.  Could I take a message?”

Caller:  “Yes, well.  Um.  Like, I made reservations for him at the base down here yesterday, but I just need to know again, like, um, how many people are on his orders?”

Translation:  I’m trying to make sure that the number 11 is not a typo.  

When you’re the mother of nine, you pick up on this stuff really quick.

Me:  “He has 10 dependents, so the reservations should be for 11 people.”

Caller:  “So, like, how many children and how many adults is that?”

Me:  “Two adults.  Nine children.”

Caller:  “NINE CHILDREN????”

Me:  “Yes.”

Caller:  “NINE kids?”

Me:  “Yes, we have 9 children.”

Caller:  “NINE?”

Caller:  “Wow!  I can’t believe that!”

Caller:  “So are they all on his orders?”

This is significant because in order for the military to pay for each person’s food/lodging/gas, etc. down there, they must all be listed on his orders.  So in order to get the lodging space for 11 people, she had to make sure that they were actually listed on his orders, and we were not just saying that we had 9 kids to get more rooms. 

Or that we were bringing 7 neighborhood kids with us to live in a 400-square-foot temporary living facility for a month.

You know.  For fun.

Me:  “Yes.  They are all on his orders.”

Caller:  “Okay, because they all have to be on his orders, you know, for all of you to get to stay here.”

Me:  (refraining from informing Caller that we have been in the Air Force for 15 years and have moved a total of 8 times with orders.)  “Yes, I realize that, and yes, we have nine children.”

Caller:  “That are on the orders, right?”

Me:  “Yes.”

Caller:  “Wow!  Nine kids!”

Caller:  “Okay, so tell your husband that he needs to be sure to have a copy of his orders when he checks in so that we can make sure that all 9 kids are on his orders.”

Me:  “I’ll tell him.  Thanks.”

Caller:  “Okay, so don’t forget.  He needs to have a copy of his orders when he checks in so that we can make sure that all of his dependents are on it, okay?”

Me:  “Got it.  Thanks.”

Caller:  “Nine kids!  Wow!”

And now you know why I have 3 hairs left on my head.


7 Responses to “Three Hairs”

  1. Mindy said

    I hadn’t thought about that! And I thought I had trouble making hotel reservations with FIVE kids! Oh brother. I’m sure you, like, SO gave her something to tell all her friends. :o)

  2. Joy said

    I’m sorry. Did you say you have nine kids?? =)

  3. Joanna said

    Why didn’t you reach through the phone and take some of her hair to replace your own? Or at least smack her around a little bit. That might have helped her get over her shock. Like a broken record you know, just smack it a few times and hopefully it’ll get fixed.

  4. me said

    nine kids…wow…


  5. TW said

    Ohmigosh! So, like, you still have, you know, ANY hairs left, like, on your head!!!!!????? That’s aMAZing! hahahahahaha! You are SO FUNNY! And I TOTALLY sympathize with you!! 🙂 And when you have to have those types of conversations in person, it gets really tiring to keep the smile pasted on your face, doesn’t it?!

  6. Happy Geek said

    You should have told her you just have Juan.
    I’m sorry. It’s been a long day. I couldn’t resist.

    Seriously, it’s hard to keep gracious sometimes isn’t it?

  7. Nana C said

    was that not funny, and this too shall pass!!!!!! Loved it, was the person to whom you were speaking, you know, blonde? sorry if I offend anyone! When do you move? Love Nana C

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