My Brother

July 17, 2008

I have the greatest brother in the universe.  Really.  If I could, I would make him into TWO brothers so I could have more just like him.

And yes, I realize the weird-ness of that last sentence, but if you knew him, you’d feel the same way.

And his wife?  Well, you know those perfect women in your life that you just want to strangle, but know that if you did, even their gasping, sputtering face would be pretty and their hair would end up probably looking BETTER afterwards and so basically you’d be a near-murderer and she would still be perfect, beautiful, sister-in-law who would come visit you in jail?  And you really REALLY want to dislike her in a major way because of the perfection and the little feet and all, but you just CAN’T because she is SO WONDERFUL?

Well, that’s how she is and I just adore her.

And she’s married to my brother, remember, who is the greatest brother in the entire world which basically makes them the most sickening couple in the universe to be around.


And if you’re dry-heaving right now from all the sweetness of this post or you think that I must be writing this because he reads my blog and I want a special favor from him, you’d be wrong.

REALLY wrong.

Because, actually…….um…….ahem………..well……..(slight grimace here)……he doesn’t read my blog.

That’s another thing about him.  He can write like nobody’s business.  So my blog to him is probably like reading a preschool primer.  “See Spot.  See Spot run.  See Spot go potty on Olive Plant Mommy’s blog.”  (Sorry, Mom….couldn’t resist.)

So he called me yesterday morning and asked what I was doing for lunch and that he and his lovely family wanted to come have lunch with us.

Except that he lives in Tennessee.

And I live, like, 37 states away.

But he told me that he was 2 hours away from me and could they come up for a few hours.


Let’s see.

This brother of mine has been living in Central Asia for the last 2 years.  And I don’t get over to Central Asia much.  So it had been more than 2 years since I had seen him.

To put it into perspective, the last time I was with him, I was pregnant with #7.  For those of you who had trouble with math in school, that would be 2 babies ago.  And if you’ve read this blog awhile, that would also be lots of pregnancy-and-birth-related whining ago.

So I yelled and told him to come!  And not to worry about lunch because if there is one thing I’m good at, it’s making an entire meal for 17 out of dust bunnies and wheat berries which is almost all that I have in my cupboards right now.  Although I have to go fish the dust bunnies out from under my couch when I need them.

And they came and all the kids played and we ate very dry pasta salad because I discovered I was out of dressing and olive oil at the last minute, but it didn’t matter because they just recently came from eating meat in Central Asia that hangs, fly-ridden in the markets there, so basically I could’ve slapped some canned dog food on their plates and they would’ve eaten and LOVED it. And Sister-in-Law exclaimed over the cuteness of Hairy Babe which now makes me love her even MORE if that’s possible, even though she possesses the thickest hair every made.  And the smallest feet.  And no buck teeth.  And, oh yeah, she’s short and cute and wears size -8.

So basically she is the Anti-Allison.

And even I am stunned at the brilliance of that last sentence.

So this morning, 6-Year-Old told me this, with a very serious expression on her face…..

“Mommy, I was QUITE taken with Uncle S yesterday.”

And, besides laughing myself silly, I just didn’t know what to say.

Because, really, weren’t we all?


14 Responses to “My Brother”

  1. Mom said

    “Quite taken” with Uncle S? Oh. My. Stars. WHERE does she come up with these things?! Have you been watching Pride and Prejudice again? 🙂 So happy you all were “quite taken” yesterday on your visit with Uncle S and Aunt T who is, by the way, a size 6 (I think)! It’s killin’ me! You DIDN’T feed them dust bunnies and dog food, though, did you? 🙂 Great blog!

  2. Palmetto Boy said

    Would have liked to have been a fly-on-the-wall and saw/heard all 17 of you together! It is so good to hear about families that love one another and love to be with one another.

  3. Kristen said

    I am so jealous that you got to see them!!! Hope we get an update blog. They are was wonderful as you described!

  4. Lori said

    Oh my dear – I wish I had the close feelings of brother/sister(ly) love that you have with your sibling (in-laws).

    As a matter of fact, if my brother would be coming this way not only would he NOT call and let me know OR NOT want to get together for lunch, but rather would go the opposite direction to get to the state the other side of me. Most likely because he thinks I would hit him over the head with my very heavily marked-in Bible that I keep on my hip at all times!!! After all, I am the bible-thumpin-leapor-of-society to them ALL!

    Really, I’m glad and your family had such a great time together! That is something we are instilling in our children for the future – teaching them to be best-buds! Wait, I learned that frOM YOU!!!

  5. Mindy said

    How exciting! What a wonderful surprise! I’m so thrilled for you all!
    And jealous. :o)

  6. Everly said

    I have a quick question for you.
    First of all, I have popped in and out of your blog several times before because my mom reads it. I am one of her eight children so we’re nearly caught up with you. I’m sure that she finds comfort in reading about someone else who was forced to learn the art of making triple the amount of pbj’s than they have arms at one time. Which I’m sure you have.
    ANYWAY, Your blog is hilarious and entertaining and sincere and I think it rocks, but about my question:
    How have you liked having a book on Lulu? Has Lulu worked well and have you, if you don’t mind me asking, sold many copies? Really, I wanted to know if you have been totally satisfied. You see, I’ve been debating putting a book up on Lulu for some time and I just wanted to know how you liked it.
    Thanks so much,
    Everly Pleasant

  7. brother-less person said

    O to have a brother…poor me…

    On a brighter side, funny post!
    If your writing is like a preshool primer though…mine must be…uh….like a pre-historic CAVEMAN primer…you know…like….






  8. oliveplants said

    Dear Everly Pleasant,
    And let me just begin by telling you how much I enjoyed typing your name. And if that is your real name, then your parents deserve the Best Baby-Naming Parents in the Universe Award. Incredible!
    Okay, about Lulu. It is not as user-friendly as I would like, which means that since I have Amish dial-up, it took 3 forevers to download it all and get it all set up. They could make the process MUCH easier, but it does work if you have the patience. I like the cost of it, and the fact that they only print when you have an order. I have not sold many, but I don’t blame that on Lulu. Once we move and get settled, I will be doing a big distributing thing where the book will be available in places like Amazon, Borders, etc. Maybe that will help. I’m not trying to support a family, but I have always wanted to be a “real” writer, so seeing it on the shelves in Barnes & Noble would be cool! My thoughts about Lulu are that it is a really economical alternative to publishing a book. Just know that however you set it up, it will print exactly. So if you, say, get the title page on the wrong side, they will print it exactly as you say, and not correct it. (Not that I would know anything about that.) Self-publishing is known to be a kind of cutting-corners publishing, with authors who don’t worry about edits or proofreading or good writing too much as a rule. I was very careful about that, and had a wonderful editor, but there are still little things that aren’t perfect. Lulu is basically what you make of it. I think it definitely has its place and I have enjoyed using it. Of course, one day I would LOVE to publish a book “for real”, but I doubt that will ever happen. I just can’t see an agent for X Publishing House wooing a mom of 9 who talks way too much about diapers and homebirthing into writing for them. You know….like a series! Yep. Not gonna happen. So that’s why Lulu is cool for me.
    Good luck on your book and let us know when you publish it!
    Allison, the long-winded mom of many

  9. Christine said

    Hi Allison!

    I thought I’d pop in here to tell you how much I love your blog and writing style! Our daughters have been in touch w/one another and have a few things in common, one being publishers of magazines! We received your daughter’s latest issue and were blessed by it!

    Unfortunately, you and I don’t have a lot in common. I only have almost 7 kids whom I birth with a carving knife, uh, I mean scapel, at the hospital, live in suburbia, am short and plump (well I am 8 months pregnant), have wide, not long feet, a small nose and teeth, and was extremely popular in high school (yeah, right, that’s why I homeschool my kids), no natural-born siblings only step ones, and lived in the same state my whole life and in this house for 9 years.

    Oh yeah, one more thing…you can’t have the cutest kid in the universe because I do. My husband and I have discovered that our children get cuter and cuter as we have more and more (much to the chagrin of our oldest).

    Love in Christ,
    Christine – another extremely long-winded mommy of many

  10. oliveplants said

    Thanks for commenting and reading my blog. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it! =)
    Actually, you and I DO have a lot in common….we are both the mother of many and share all the joys, challenges, and laughter that is inherent in that, right? That’s good enough for me. Except that people who have small feet shouldn’t be allowed into heaven. And since you didn’t mention anything about your hair, I’ll assume it’s very long and thick but you didn’t want to tell me that because you were afraid I would, um, stalk you and stuff.
    And while I am nearing 40 and SHOULD be mature and all……….well………MY baby is the cutest…..INFINITY!
    Have a nice day with your NOT-the-cutest-baby-in-the-universe,

  11. Nana C said

    Siblings relationships across the country or around the world can be strained, but how wonderful that we can get together after a period of time and it just seems like yesterday. I have a brother who lives in the same town as me, and we see each other probably twice a year, and talk on the phone a few times a month, but it is still cool! Can you send me the pasta recipe? Love Nana C

  12. Christine said

    Dear Mrs. Delusional,

    Since it’s your blog, I’ll be the mature one here and allow you to continue to think that you’ve got the cutest baby in universe, but you will always have that nagging feeling in the back of your mind that there is indeed one cuter out there. I AM 40 and so I now have to be quite mature.

    And one more extremely mature thing…they call me Rapunzel in these parts and my oldest daughter is known as “Rapunzel on steroids” (her hair, ya know, not her physically)

    I hope that all is going well with your moving preparations and that your husband is doing good, too. I hear that thin hair is beneficial out in the desert. wink & a grin.

    Love in Christ,

  13. Octamom said

    Darling–love your writing style! I too have an amazing brother who doesn’t read my blog and has this amazing wife I love who literally has her phD in biomolecular chemistry (and I had to use the spellcheck on biomolecular )–

    Thanks for bringing a smile to my face! I’m enjoying perusing your posts while slurping my much-needed mid-afternoon cup o’ coffee!

  14. Everly said

    Thank you very, very, very much.
    No, Everly Pleasant is not my real name. I am sorry if you’re disappointed. I wish that I could tell you my not-pretend name because my parents did do really well, but that would defeat the purpose of the pen name. All this to say, I like my real name too.
    Anyway, I am very grateful for your two cents on Lulu. I’ll will keep it in a corner of my mind. That’s kind of the feeling I had gotten from investigating it myself. Not to mention I was shocked at the junk people stuck up there. Shopping on Lulu isn’t the most pleasant experience, simply because you go from looking at home pictures of Bobby’s first dirty diaper to a weird comic book to handy books for religions I’ve never even heard of. But that’s beside the point.
    Good luck with moving and working on book distribution and (hopefully-someday) getting a book “really published.”

    In Much Appreciation,
    Everly Pleasant
    (or someone claiming to have such a cute name…)

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