Moving Sale

July 23, 2008

Yep.  We’re having one this weekend.

The reason that we are having this moving sale is because my husband wants to see what I look like all made up, lying in a casket, dead of stress-related injuries, namely ROTDGOHSS.  Which, to you laymen out there, means that I will have keeled over from complications from Releasement of the Death Grip On Her Stuff Syndrome.  When they do the autopsy, that will be the official cause of death.

Just so you know.

See, every time the military moves us, there is the very distinct possibility that all the stuff I had stored away in the attic will actually be used at the next house.  Don’t need those coffin-sized planters at this house because you can have a garden in the actual ground?  Well, better keep them anyway because we might need them in the NEXT house. 

And I have done this successfully for 15 years.

Now, two things are battling this Allison Phenomenon.  One, we have a weight limit of 14,000 pounds.  And two, we are going from a 2500-square-foot house into a 1200-square-foot house.  Now, I’m not good at math, but I think that means it’ll be smaller.

Much smaller.

And I think I will break out in some sort of horrendous rash if we have to rent a storage unit because all our stuff won’t fit into the new, much smaller house.

So I WILL purge until everything that’s in me begs for relief, and I WILL have an almost-empty attic when I’m through.

Even if it kills me.

Which it probably will.

I’ll miss all of you, by the way.  Especially my readers in London.  Can I just confess right now that when I read my kids books, they whine because I do the characters with a British accent.

Because I’ve ALWAYS wanted a British accent, but I was born in South Carolina, so I only have the accent of people who store their washing machines on the front porch and their ’87 Camaros in the front yard on blocks.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  Because my cousin might be reading this and she was born in Pickens, SC which is the official Redneck Capital of the Universe. 

But I still really, really like her, even if she reads my blog on the sly and never comments. 


So.  I told the children that we were having a moving sale this weekend and they began talking about what they had to sell.

A G.I. Joe that was in the pool too long and now has green feet.

“Wood” guns that were fashioned from pressed board and are crooked, full of splinters, and 3 different shades of fake-wood-look.  And are scribbled on.

But here’s my favorite idea from my 6-year-old…..

She was crushed when I informed her that no one would want to buy her 52 tubes of used chapstick.  With the teeth marks in them.  And lick marks too.

And when she wanted to know WHY?!!!  “WHY, Mommy, will no one want to buy them??”  And her face was stricken with disappointment and agony.

So I told her that it was kinda like us trying to sell a box of used Kleenex.

And then she understood a little more.

You gotta be quick with the educational analogies when you have this many kids.

It’s a gift.


14 Responses to “Moving Sale”

  1. happy geek said

    OK, this may be truly gross but when I did a garage sale in Texas the thing that sold the fastest was half-used make-up. EVEN lipstick. So, your six-year-old may be onto something.
    Have a super sale.
    You can do it!!!!!!!!!

  2. Tina said

    Hee hee. You make me laugh!
    Wish I could be there to buy some of your junk. I LOVE other people’s junk.
    And, I don’t have a British accent, but after a year and a half here in the UK, my kids do 🙂 I get to live vicariously though them!

  3. Momma said

    WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT!!!!!! I may NEED some of your stuff! You can’t have a garage sale yet! I need to go throuuuuuugh everything! You know how we love to go look at everyone’s things! Oh, bummer. What a let-down to my day. 😦 Well, have a Great garage sale without me! 🙂

  4. Mindy said

    But see, knowing you like I do, you’re going to be very much cheered up by what I like to call The Garage Sale Phenomenon. I’m sure you know what I mean. You get out all your junk, you stick prices on it, and PEOPLE COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND GIVE YOU MONEY FOR IT!!! It never ceases to amaze me. So, when you have the money in your hand, it’ll be like CPR for ROTDGOHSS, and you’ll feel much better. (And, don’t tell YM who said this, but you could always SAVE that cash, and take it to all the wonderful new Goodwills that you’ll get to frequent in AZ! Yee haa!)

  5. If you want to read books with a British accent, I say stuff the complaints. I say y’all with a northern accent. It works for me. 🙂 Best of luck during the sale and move. And don’t forget to empty your wastebaskets or those darn military movers will pack your trash.

  6. oliveplants said

    Tonggu Momma,
    Packed, unemptied trash cans?
    Been there.
    Just thankful they didn’t have fish in them.

    Thanks for commenting!

  7. Lori said

    Darn –

    I love moving sales too! Like I need MORE stuff to move myself!!!

    Have a great time – and remember – yard/garage/moving sales are suppose to be cheap! Don’t mark your favorite “whatever” up to $26.99 because you don’t want it to sell!!! LOL!

  8. Heather said

    What do you mean you will ‘miss us’? Does this mean you won’t be blogging??????

    Please say it isn’t so, cuz I might die of SWWABS! (AKA: Serious Withdrawls Without Allisons Blog Syndrome) 🙂

  9. oliveplants said

    I said that I will miss you in case the moving sale kills me this weekend.
    Just so you’d know how much I love the comments about “Juan” and how hot Arizona is, but that it’s dry heat… know, that kind of thing.


  10. Octamom said

    I ran the math for ya–yea, the new house is definitely smaller–I double checked the computations….

    Good luck! I feel for you!!!


    ( have you thought about ebay for the chapstick?–you never know!~)

  11. Tonya Lancaster said

    I have to beg to differ with you on the most redneck city being Pickens, SC. By the way, for anyone else reading this comment out there, I’m one of her other cousins. Gaffney, SC is the most redneck city, it has even been called the armpit of America. They are so redneck there, that they don’t even have sence enough to be ashamed of it. There used to be a well known hangout place there called, and I’m not joking, “The Hillbilly Hilton”. Now don’t ask me how I know about thiis place.

  12. Heather said

    Oh! WHEW!
    Was worried. Seriously. Cuz I have all kinds of ‘Juan’ jokes stored up and would hate for them to go to waste!

  13. Johanna said

    Oh, your post only serves to remind me that I need to get rid of some junk too. The military isn’t making me do it, but needing room for a baby who will be born whether I am ready or not in November is. Ruthless unborn child.

  14. Patti said

    Whew! I’m sure you’re not dead, because I’ve read all the blogs after your moving sale. This reader in England was getting all mental thinking that they had no Internet in Arizona because it was too hot for computers to cool themselves and so you wouldn’t be telling us about your experiences and spinning them in such a way that makes us all happy to me mums with you (ok, so I don’t ACTUALLY say mum in real life). Here are some other fun English-isms you can toss in casually:

    “bits” private parts as in “You can’t wear that, it shows your bits!”

    “mini and willie” girl and boy bits, respectively

    “sorted” all figured out (Pronouced soh-tid)

    “bits and bobs” some of this and that

    “shattered” exhaused or hugely disappointed (pronounced shah-tah-ed)

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