September 6, 2008

We’re halfway there.

We made it through the chaos and insanity of packing a van full of all the necessary things needed for 2 months-worth of living for a family of eleven.

We closed on the house without any delays or weirdness.  Other than the fact that I realized as I walked through our empty house one last time, that dusting walls?  Totally necessary.

Who woulda thunk it?

See, when you’re in the military, you move every few years or less.  So your house doesn’t really REQUIRE the dusting of walls.  It just doesn’t.  It requires general, daily upkeep with maybe a smattering of deep cleaning here and there, but when you know that you won’t be in the house for the next 62 years, the motivation is kinda not there.

I used to laugh at my sister-in-law who wet-wiped her walls every year.  You know, the sister-in-law who doesn’t read my blog so I can make fun of her?  Also the sister-in-law who isn’t allowed to EVER visit me in my home unless it is to view me in a casket because she is rabidly clean and wouldn’t be allowed in for any other reason.


We left our wonderful country home in Iowa, stayed a few days near the base in Nebraska while our packers packed the house, which is a job that you couldn’t pay me enough to do and when those 3 lovely individuals walked into my house, I almost kissed them. 

Then we left and drove to Denver where we stayed with our long-suffering relatives who have the greatest large-family house in the world, not to mention the best food you’ve ever put into your mouth. 

And this is the part where I write about our uncle who hosted us.  Apparently he read this blog before we arrived and, while we were there, mentioned how it seemed to be mostly about bodily functions.

Well, DUH!

Mother of nine here!  Hello?  Three kids in diapers!  Recent potty debacle!  Need I say more?

And THIS is the response I thought up AFTER he had made fun of my body-function-filled blog.  You know…..AFTERWARDS…..when all my witty retorts are born. 

Here it is……

Um.  Aren’t you the guy who used to own a business that cleaned up after fires, floods, and, oh yeah…….HOMICIDES????  As in, brain matter, skull chips, and copious amounts of coagulated blood?

And you’re wondering about the life I lead, full of the output of fecal matter and urine of helpless and extremely cute babies and toddlers?

I must be missing something here.

(Basically, Uncle Bob is one of three males who reads this blog, so  I am trying hard to bait him to comment and defend himself.  Because we need more male input on this here blog, don’t you think?  The estrogen gets out of hand sometimes, I think.  But that could just be my fault…..what with all the pregnancies and stuff.  Ahem.)

Okay.  On with the itinerary.

So then we drove a few hours south of Denver to stay in a vacation home that boasts an inground, heated pool.  And a house too, but the pool is the main thing.  Pools ROCK when you have 9 kids who are full of energy and moving issues. 

So we’ve been swimming EVERY day for hours and hours.  And the kids are like zombies. 

Cute zombies with cowlicks and chubby legs.

Three-year-old zombies who wait until pool time to make a stinky in their swimmie diapers.


I talked about body functions again, didn’t I?

Let’s talk about weird 14-year-olds now.

Weird 14-Year-Old spent a day ORGANIZING THE KITCHEN.  And then the bookshelves.  And after that?  The video cabinet.  And I think it was her favorite part of the entire vacation.

I just don’t know WHERE she gets it.  Although, wherever it comes from, it’s slightly watered down because I would’ve alphabetized the videos.

Or separated by genre.

Or leading actor.


Tomorrow we head toward New Mexico, where we’ll be staying for the night.

And if you happen to be eating in the BX at the same time we are there, let me just go ahead and apologize now.

Nine kids.

Crunched between car seats and various other car-accoutrements.

For 7 hours.

Please, oh please forgive the inevitable whining.

Also?  If you could ignore the banging of silverware on the table by various small children, that would be cool.

And overlook the fact that 5-Month-Old is clad only in a diaper.  Most likely, icky oozed from it at some point in the trip and his only clean outfit was in a bag behind the 3 travel cribs, the stroller, the life vests, and the 50 pound bag of wheat berries a friend gave me as a parting gift.


It happened again, didn’t it?

Body Function Blogging.  That’s what I’ll call it. 

Think it’ll catch on?


One Response to “BFBing”

  1. Octamom said

    Mom of 8 here–Body Function Blogging–genius as far as I’m concerned–I majored in Fecal Removal–


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