Almost

October 7, 2008

So the three biggest boys came rushing in from the backyard this afternoon with this sentence…..

“MOMMY!  We just saw the coolest thing EVER!!!!!!”

And of COURSE I wanted to know what it was that could make my boys THIS excited, and wasn’t about guns or the entrails of formerly cute, furry bunnies.

Let me tell ya, I was NOT prepared for what came next.  I should’ve had some sort of bucket to heave into.

“MOMMY!  (and they were talking in all caps so here goes)  WE SAW A LIZARD AND 11-YEAR-OLD BENT OVER TO TRY TO PICK HIM UP AND HE SHOT OFF HIS TAIL AT US!”

In case you missed the main theme of this story, let me repeat it for you.

He.

Shot.

Off.

His.

Tail.

And it was still flopping around on the back patio.

I almost lost my lunch which is significant because we had eaten at Golden Corral, which is, to my East Coast readers, an all-you-can-eat restaurant filled with all manner of delicious, though extremely unhealthy foods.  It really doesn’t take much to make you feel nauseous after eating there.  But you’d hope that you’d feel nauseous because you just went on a roller coaster or almost got into a traffic accident or something benign like that.

Also?  8-Year-Old informed me that there was a hole in the tail where it had been attached to the lizard’s body and didn’t I want to come see it?  ‘Cause it is really cool, Mommy!

(We may need to find his receipt in order to return him.  Or at least exchange him for a girl who likes tutus and cupcakes and tiaras.  You know.  Things that don’t make me almost vomit.)

But I REALLY almost lost it when Yummy Man BROUGHT THE TAIL INSIDE TO SHOW ME.

And all the male members of my household just about hurt themselves rolling around on the hard, cold, military-housing tile, laughing at Mommy’s reaction.

See?

Yummy Man isn’t so yummy anymore, is he?

(See what you have to look forward to, Susan?)

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9 Responses to “Almost”

  1. Tina said

    That is GREAT. (And, of course, I mean great because it wasn’t ME!)
    Glad to hear you are all making yourselves at home….
    hee hee

  2. Kristen said

    Glad you are back! I hope you settle in comfortably. We are praying for ya!!!
    Love ya!

  3. Heather said

    Seriously? Shot his tail off? OK. I didn’t even know Lizards could do that.

    Have to agree with the boys…..that is COOL!

  4. Patti said

    Wow. This story just reminded me of when I was a little girl living in Arizona and would spend HOURS looking for Great Horned Toads (big bumpy lizards). If I was lucky enough to find one, I’d save it in my pocket for later. Then more interesting things would happen and I would forget about it. But don’t worry, Mom would find it for me when she was emptying my pockets to do the laundry. The stunned little fella would scurry off to freedom. Imagine Mom’s happy surprise!

    So forget the receipt, the little girl you get in exchange might prefer lizards over tutus and tiaras.

  5. Lori said

    Yeah, those little things shoot the tails off in order to get away from their pray. And the weirdest thing…if you are able to catch the same lizard that shot his tail off – by morning it will have regenerated. BY MORNING!!!!

    Syd loves catching lizards here and found out how they get away, early on! She thought that was SO COOL! Now she just tries to catch them in order to see the shoot the tail off!

    See…I’m ready for boys! I think ;-D

  6. Lori said

    And by the way – you’re a great looking [almost] 40-year-old mama of nine!

  7. Susan said

    O.k. the whole time I was reading this I was thinking to myself my life has now changed. I can’t wait until I have tocall you and let you know what disgsting boy things Levi is doing. I really never thought that day would come but i was wrong. Peasantly wrong at that.

  8. Nana C said

    Well, at least it was not the Habu Cobra, which lives on the island of Okinawa and kills about 30 people a year, ( of course over one million people live there). Our daughter Lisa and son-in-law Tim were stationed there in 1998 for three years with our two grandsons. One came in one day and said Mom, there are some kids poking a stick down a hole, looking for a snake!!!!! Go figure…….. Enjoyed your post. Love Nana C

  9. Joanna said

    Did it have a blue tail? Because when I was little girl living in New Mexico nearly every summer day had at least one lizard with a blue tail and if they didn’t automatically drop their tail, I’d pick it up by the tail so it would fall off. We thought that was the funniest thing ever.

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