An Open Letter To The UPS Guy Who Drives By My House Every Day At 3:30

December 17, 2008

Dear UPS Guy,

Hi!  I’m that lady you see every afternoon that is sitting on her driveway with the neighbor across the street and 52 kids (mine and a few neighborhood ones) milling around while nursing the cutest baby you’ve undoubtedly ever seen.

I just need you to know one thing about me.

I DO have a life.

I actually do more than sit out there all day long.  See, it’s just that you drive by at the same time every day, and it just happens to be the time in our day when we play outside with the neighborhood kids.

If you came at, say, 6:30 a.m., you’d see me in a robe, sending my husband off to work.  And my hair would be really messy and my breath would stink.

If you came at 8:30, you’d probably hear whining from the innards of my house.  That would be various children of mine complaining because they only want to do ONE page of math and NO phonics and “Do Legos count as any sort of school subject?”

At noon, you’d hear cheering because the lunch bell rang and most  everyone would be done with their school and……well…..FOOD!

Really?  If I sat outside all day long like it looks like I do, our family’s laundry would pile up to the ceiling within 6 hours or so.  Also, my kids would go into comas because they went more than 2 hours without eating, and all the toys in the house would LEAP from their intended places and mess up every room in the house.  (I’ve seen Toy Story so I know this happens.)

So tomorrow when you drive by, remember that my life does not consist of sitting in my driveway watching my kids run around with wooden guns and half-dressed baby dolls.

Well.

Actually.

It kinda does.

But I’m not always watching FROM THE DRIVEWAY.

So that’s different.

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