Bi-focal Update (Now THERE’S a Title That Just Pulls You In, Huh?)

April 2, 2009

So I came home from the eye place ALMOST in tears.

And Yummy Man, since he has been married to me ALMOST 20 YEARS, thought twice about making fun of my haggishness.

And there’s ANOTHER new word for you because, yes, I am just that prolific.

Kinda like Dr. Suess.

But without the rhyming.

So.  The bi-focal thing? 

Not.

Happy.

About.

It.

I feel like I am dizzy and sick and old.

Not that there’s anything WRONG with old.

Per se.

I just liked it better when I had to hold books at arm’s length instead of having to look out the bottom of my glasses, but not TOO far out the bottom and if I want to see what the lady across the street is wearing, I have to look out the top, but not TOO far out the top and I most CERTAINLY cannot use periperal vision because there is not enough prescription on either side because I guess they ran out and didn’t have time to put more into the machine.

Because that’s how it works, right?

So I had to actually TAKE MEDICINE to quell the headache that assaulted me 25 seconds after I put on the glasses and even though the ladies at the eye place told me to give myself 2 or 3 days to get used to them, I just don’t want to.

Basically, picture me laying on my back on the floor, kicking and screaming “I DON’T LIKE MY NEW GLASSES!  I WANT MY MOMMY!  I WANT MY $250 BACK!  I WANT THE SHAPE OF MY EYEBALLS TO CORRECT THEMSELVES ON THEIR OWN BY WAY OF ME EATING LOTS OF CHOCOLATE!”

And if there was enough room for all 5’10” of me to actually lay down on the floor anywhere in my house, I would so be doing THAT right now instead of THIS.

But I guess this is more mature and socially acceptable and all.

Because we ALL know how being socially-acceptable means so much to me.

The mother of nine.

Who lives in a 1200-square-foot house.

And now wears bi-focals.

Sniff.

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6 Responses to “Bi-focal Update (Now THERE’S a Title That Just Pulls You In, Huh?)”

  1. Susan said

    Thanks for the hysterical word picture of you lying on the floor throwing a fit. i am so glad to know i am not the only mom who likes to kick and scream.

  2. Tricia said

    I’m so sorry…it will get better! Keep on writing! I’m living through you!!! 🙂

  3. Mrs B said

    And when certain – a hem – sophisticate women see you – they will tell you,as they look down their noses, how incredibly intelligent you look as you quickly scramble to take the specs off your face in order to hide the fact you don’t have perfect vision…how do I know this?

    I don’t – it just sounded good :o)

  4. Vicky said

    Ugh! I can hardly wait. The sad part is what you just described was exactly the thing my mother described when she got bi-focals, thirty years ago! I’m thinking, with all the scientific advances you mean they still haven’t created anything better? Nothing for the headache and the dizziness? My eyes are crossing just at the thought of it!

    I say go ahead and kick and scream, I may be joining you soon!

  5. I enjoy your writing so much! But let me give you hope about bi-focals–DO NOT DESPAIR!

    I tried progressives two different times, and they didn’t work for me. (the second time I tried them was because the lady PROMISED this was much better than having that old ugly line across there)

    After trying them twice (4 years apart), I put my foot down and demanded the old ugly lines. And I am so happy!

    Well. As happy as one can be with vision like mine, I guess–I now have tri-focals.

    I would encourage you to try the regular kind, and also to be cautious as to where you get them. They have to correctly measure the exact correct spot in which to put the lines or it won’t work.

    Best best wishes in getting this resolved!

    • oliveplants said

      Thank you so much for your encouragement! I think that I am physically unable to wear progressives too and it’s nice to know that other people have had the same problems and are not mentally deranged…..wait…..you’re not mentally deranged, are you? That’s how I felt after the whole progressives debacle. So. Tri-focals, huh? See, now THAT’S not encouraging, but all the other stuff you said IS, so I’m just going to ignore the tri-focals portion of this comment and thank you for your input. =)

      Allison

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