Yummy Man

April 7, 2009

Tonight, as I type this, I’m a little miffed.  (That word makes me think of kittens but I don’t know why.)

I’m a little bit upset about what happened at the gym tonight.

See, there are two different kinds of people that go to the gym.  The kind that actually WANT to work out and improve their lives through exercise and strength-training, and the kind that just want to be seen because they have nothing better to do that night or they just dumped their boyfriend or they got new tennis shoes or something.

I recognize the ones who are there to actually exercise.  After all, it IS a gym and not a disco.  (Do they still even MAKE discos?)  They come consistently and are really there to work out.

Tonight, there were two young guys who strutted in with a girl who was approximately the same size as the largest child I birthed.  I almost stepped on her.  So they come over to the machine that I was working with and just kinda muscled their way in which was a neat trick since they didn’t really HAVE muscles.  (Was that mean?)  So me, being the fine Christian woman that I am (as evidenced by that last sentence, huh?) went to another machine and did my thing.

But I REALLY needed THAT machine that they were on.

So after I had improvised at other machines, I decided to just stand there and stare at them until they figured out that they were being rude.

(I was feeing a tad bit ornery tonight, in case you’re wondering.)

Well, it took them awhile to figure out that the tall, big-footed, thin- and GRAY-haired woman standing there staring at them actually wanted to use the machine they were showing off on.

But it took a looooonnnnnng time.

And I was not in a patient mood.

So, later on, after I went home and told Yummy Man about the whole thing, he asked me if I asked them if I could take a turn.

And I told him that I’m only really good at confrontation on the phone.

And he laughed at me.

And then he said, “Well, if I had been there, I would’ve made them move for you!  Yeah, I would’ve!”

Just so you know, Yummy Man is built like a football player and I really like that about him.

A lot.

So the thought of him muscling those skinny dudes out of the way for me just about made me swoon. 

(If I knew how to swoon, which I don’t because I’m not sure what it really IS.  Do you?)

So then I said, “That is so YUMMY, Yummy Man!”  And I slinked over to him to give him a kiss and stuff. 

But then he said……

“Because then I wouldn’t have had to listen to all this whining and non-confrontation tonight!”

And he really wasn’t yummy anymore after that.

(For those of you who have actually known Yummy Man for more than 5 seconds, you will know that his entire purpose for being on this earth, other than to be extremely virile, is to entertain himself by irritating me, but in a good way.  I know.  That sounds kinda oxymoronic, doesn’t it?  You’re just gonna have to take my word for it.)

The End.

Finally.

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3 Responses to “Yummy Man”

  1. Wanda said

    Those yummy men sure know how to kill a mood, don’t they? Who needs birth control with lovely comments like that? If it wasn’t for their yumminess overriding their rudeness, there would not be anymore little people around. But, God made sure that there would be more people by that wonderful scripture about us desiring our men and all, so the yummy muscles supercede the rude mouth.

    Tell him to just stand there and look yummy next time. Oh, and maybe wash the dishes and then everything is good again!

  2. HA! Had to tell you this made me smile (I would have laughed out loud, but the baby fell asleep and I REALLY want a nap). Because this conversation could have totally happened in my house. Except I generally don’t blog about these conversations, because they generally end with a snappy retort by myself. And then I get all the good wives everywhere all freaked out and SURE that my husband must keenly feel my disrespect. Since he hasn’t felt it thus far, I continue to gamble, usually winning, although lately he’s come up with some impressive remarks that have left me speechless. But that comment you made regarding your husband living to entertain himself by irritating you? Could so relate. Totally. And totally wouldn’t have it any other way. Because otherwise, how would I continue to improve my incredible sarcasm skills?

    Anyway, thought I should quit lurking around here and tell you I’ve been enjoying your blog for quite a while! 🙂 Bummer for you that I’m tired as I write this, and so my short comment ended up a 500 word essay. With grammar and sentence structure that would get me a failing grade in school. But I think the spelling is fine. Do I get points for that?

  3. oliveplants said

    Dear Tall Angela,
    Here are what you get points for………finally de-lurking after……um…..what……2 YEARS! You’re lucky I didn’t “out” you earlier. I so could’ve used some Tall Chick commiseration while you’ve been busy hiding, but I’ll forgive you since your comment above was so entertaining. And because you’re sarcastic too. Us tall, sarcastic women gotta stick together if you ask me. Which you’re not. So I’ll go now. (THanks for commenting!….AND reading!)
    Allison

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