Another Absolutely Thrilling Post About Bifocals. This Will Be The Last One So Please Don’t Delete Me From Your Feed Reader. Is This Title Too Long, Kim. W. M.?

April 8, 2009

And Kim, by the way, is a long-lost friend of mine who was an English professor so now, every time I sit down to write this little ‘ole blog ‘o mine, I sweat.  And use dictionary.com and thesaurus. com a lot, whereas before, I really didn’t care because no English professors were reading.  Only other women who thought posts about vomit and bifocals were kinda cool.  And didn’t really care about verb conjugation. 

So.  About the bifocals, for those of you who have been sitting on the edges of your seats for the last few days, wondering how this fascinating saga would end.

After three days of one long, continuous headache, I tore those horrid things from my face and put my old glasses back on again.  And I sighed really loud and then apologized to them because I hadn’t been a very good glasses friend.  I had been unfaithful and dared to wear other glasses and now I was sorry and wanted the other ones back.  And I kinda had to grovel and tell them that it just hadn’t been the same without them and THEY were the ones I TRULY loved.

(And this is what happens when I blog this late at night.  I just. get. weird.)

Anyway.  I went to Costco, explained the problem, hemmed and hawed, and then decided to just ask for my money back.  However, the manager told me that she could remove the bifocal part from the new glasses and wouldn’t that be nice and handy because they looked just SO CUTE on me so didn’t I want to spend….oh….$200 on glasses that are the exact same prescription as the ones that I’ve been wearing the last year or two?

And after I explained to her that I was an almost 40-year-old mother of nine and that the only time “cute” was ever in my vocabulary was when I described my children and, even then, it was only accompanied by “stinkin'” and HOW can I justify buying myself a brand new pair of $200 glasses merely because she deemed them “cute”? 

She didn’t really have much to say after that.  And just gave me my money back.  And glanced at me nervously out of the corner of her eye.

And was probably pushing one of those silent buttons under the counter to call security.

So now I’m just going to hold my books far enough away to read them until I can’t do that anymore.  And then I don’t know WHAT I will do.

But you can be certain that I will blog about it!

Betcha can’t wait for THAT, huh?

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