Barbie Hair

October 13, 2009

Very recently, I’ve read a blog post about being a cancer survivor, one about adopting 2 babies from Rwanda, and one from a woman who lives on a farm in Canada, who can make you just ache with her descriptions of gratefulness and love and utter faithfulness to the Lord.

This will not be one of those kinds of posts.

Why?  Because I don’t know how to write about noble stuff, apparently, since all my posts seem to be about projectile vomiting, 3-year-olds with lisps, and Yummy Man’s legs.

Nope.  Can’t do it.  My talent is trivial humor, I think.  The few times that I have attempted noble prose, it began by sounding good in my head, but when it actually hit the blog, it was dripping with sappiness or some other word they haven’t made up for people like me who want to be known for more than just writing about how to stop elementary-school-age boys from leaping from the tops of 20-foot-tall playsets with Walmart bags strapped to their backs.

So now I am going to write about my hair.

(See?  I told you there would be no depth or nobility.)

Before I got pregnant eleven times and ended up with nine babies, I used to have curly hair that generally behaved itself.

But then I got pregnant eleven times and ended up with nine babies and my hair decided that THAT was just ridiculous and how is a head of hair supposed to deal with the avalanche of hormones each time that woman gets pregnant again and it was just too much so my hair decided to boycott my head.

Which means that now?  I have frizzy, fly-away, curly, fluffy hair that generally does NOT behave itself.

Especially in a church full of women who possess the genetic make-up that allows them to have what I call Barbie hair.

You know the kind.  In fact, you probably ARE the kind.  Those women with the heavy, stick-straight hair that falls down their backs and swings when they walk and that they absent-mindedly flick over their shoulders during the sermon so that it hangs over the backs of their chairs within my personal space, virtually hypnotizing me with the perfection.  And then, when I bring up how beautiful their hair is, they usually sigh and tell me how difficult it is having SO.  MUCH.  HAIR.  TO.  DEAL.  WITH. 

And then I want to physically assault them because you know what I did when I was smaller?  And let me just preface this by saying that yes, I do realize how utterly vulnerable this makes me…….I used to put pajama pants on my head so that I could pretend that I, too, had Barbie hair.

Yes, I was that pitiful.  Still am, as a matter of fact.  Ask Yummy Man how often I lament the state of my hair.  It entails a lot of eye-rolling on his part.

Every few years, I delude myself into thinking that maybe NOW I can grow that kind of hair.  But then I try and I end up with scraggly, see-through hair that dies and falls out before it even reaches my shoulders.

So I’ve stopped fighting with it.  I have resigned myself to the fact that I will never have the hair I envy and so I went and got it cut into a short little bob that lets my curls spring forth.

So now I have a little halo of curls around my head that make me feel like I should be wearing a princess sleeper and sucking my thumb, but that’s okay.

Because when God was handing out Long, I just happened to be in the legs line.



6 Responses to “Barbie Hair”

  1. trinka jeffery said

    I belong to a site called the Long Hair Community. There are lots of really great ideas for getting your hair to grow longer, and behave itself. 🙂 Who knows … you might find some info there you can use!

  2. Susan said

    I bet your hair looks great.

  3. Patti said

    I’m sorry about your hair woes. I know they are real and the grief you bear is also real. The only way I know how you can bear up is by putting Barbie hair on The List. You know– the list of things you want fullfilled when you go through those pearly gates. And until then, just so you can feel just a little bit smug, I’ve ALWAYS wanted to have curly hair; so badly in fact that I have endured over a dozen bad perms before resigning myself to the hair God gave me. I’m putting curly hair on my List.

  4. Dana said

    Allison–You are feeling the effects of the curse!! It is not that we want perfection–we want what we cannot have! I can so share your hair woes. You remember my perms for high school which were hideous. From there I think bald was an improvement. Another cancer buddy of mine was REALLY distraught with losing her hair, but for me not so much. Not such a big loss. Loved the use of periods in big paragraph!!! Mrs. D. would not approve.

  5. Mom said

    I’m a little late reading this blog but, BOY, does it bring back memories. As I was reading I remembered the times you (and your sister) turned your pajama bottoms upside down on your heads to pretend like it was your long hair. Dad and I came into your bedroom and there you both sat, reading your books and flicking your long tresses over your shoulders. Then I laughed out loud when I actually read your rendition in your blog. In fact, now that I think about it, I may still have a picture of both of you like that. Want me to send it so you can include it here on your blog? 🙂 Great blog on hair. Who would have thought it? 🙂

  6. Laura said

    You do have a talent of making me laugh. (not at you, WITH you)
    I always had the curly-do-whatever-it-pleases type of hair, no matter how often I combed/brushed my hair, it always looked like I haven’t done anything with it. Thus, the clip it back and forget about it style for most of my life. 🙂
    The dry weather here in AZ doesn’t help the curl either…oh well,
    Hats are a good option, so are wigs. With wigs, you can have whatever type of hair that you’ve always dreamed of. ;->

    Have a Happy!

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