Like a Big, Huge, Ugly Sweater

October 12, 2010

I knew this would happen.

I HOPED it wouldn’t and I was on my way to believing that, but then it did.

Things have started to unravel.

In order to picture what I mean, go with the sweater analogy.

I’m sure you’ve had it happen…..You pull just one little string and it just keeps going and going until you’ve pretty much destroyed the whole thing and you have a big heap of yarn laying on the floor and you don’t know whether you should cry or laugh because it WAS kinda fun to undo all those knots and things.

But this is not fun.

The 400 square feet; the small-people-sleeping-all-over-the-floor; the 2 sick children; the smallest child who yells “MOMMY!” at the top of his lungs 12 times a night just because he wants to give me one last kiss or talk me into snuggling with him again even though I told him the last time was his…….um…..last time; the continual chore of trying to keep everyone entertained and happy in this space; the air-mattress -sleeping when you’re really used to a huge king-sized bed that you exclaim over EVERY STINKIN’ NIGHT when you USED to fall into it with a smile and a big sigh of relief and unconditional love.

Not that I’m complaining or anything.  Because…….um…….IT’S ALASKA!  But I’m just done.  Since we moved out of our house in Arizona on September 13th, we’ve been living out of bags.  Nice, Lands’ End bags, but bags nonetheless.

And the kids have been great and I’ve been so proud, mentally patting myself on the back for their generally exceptional behavior.

I’m done now.  Because there has been deterioration.  On my part as well.

The discomfort of pregnancy has also set in and when I think about the fact that I have to set up an entire house before this baby actually arrives, when all I’ll really want to do is sleep and eat chocolate?  Well, discouraging would be a good word.  Not the BEST word, mind you, but one that will suffice here while I say the unwritten one in my head.

And now for the non-complaining part of this post.

WE’RE IN ALASKA!  Where there is snow almost daily now and beautiful fall leaves all over the ground and crisp fall air and people who don’t care if you homeschool and my wonderful country house almost within my grasp, where there is so much room to roam, it’s almost scary!

I love Alaska.  And that’s after living here on this base in this CLOSET, basically, for the last 2 weeks.  Can you imagine how much I’ll love it once we’re in our house in the woods with the wood stove burning and the moose peeking in the windows, wondering, like everyone else in the universe…..WHY do we have so many kids?

But it’s ALASKA!  So no one cares!  And even if they do……IT’S ALASKA, for crying out loud.

And now I may.


7 Responses to “Like a Big, Huge, Ugly Sweater”

  1. Crystal said

    I can’t imagine 400 sq. ft. and my 3 children. I feel for you. Don’t forget the great smell of Alaska in the fresh snow and still falling leaves. The smell of vast open spaces of tundra. If you would have gotten there in September is would have smelled of dirty socks because that’s what low bush cranberries smell like when they are ready for the pickin’. Autum is my favorite season even though it only lasts 3 weeks in Alaska. Wishing I was there.

  2. DeDe said

    I don’t want to sound trite. But hang in there. Whether you know it or not, you are an encouragement to others. I’m encouraged reading your posts. I got your blog site from a new friend – I think it was Celi. You are funny and strong. I hope also to move out of this desert someday to cooler pastures. So, for now, I’m living vicariously thru you and your family.

    I’ll be praying for internal strength for you and yours.


  3. Aunt Duane said

    Ok, now pull yourself together!! Let the kids do most of the chores and take care of themselves. You can do this. Make a large mug of hot chocolate, find a comfortable corner, preferable with a window, put a sheet over your entire body (WOMAN CAVE), refuse to answer all questions and do not, do not let them in your woman cave. THEN, look out the window and watch it snow – flake by flake. Are they not beautiful? Are they not white as the light of Christ? Are they not each and everyone of them different in shape? Are they not silent (yes this is what you are blissfully wanting, silence)? Can you feel the peace surrounding you? NO, WELL WHAT DID YOU EXPECT? You can do this my child, you have the fortitude. You have done equally challenging tasks and came through with flying colors. If you want to discuss why you have so many kids, feel free to talk with me, I was a nurse. I love youuuuuuuuuu.

  4. Mother said

    Alaska! Did you say you’re in ALASKA!? Well, fancy that! Glad you made it! Sounds absolutely picture-perfect. Don’t worry … you will ‘get it all together’ soon – and have fun in the process. We’ll be praying that the Lord will give you strength and joy for your new pleasant pastures.

  5. Patti said

    Ohhhhhhh. I feel for you. No pep talk. No comparing miseries, just empathy oozing from my keyboard for your square footage deficiencies.

  6. Ooh, house in the woods with the woodburner and moose…it sounds wonderful. Keep that thought!

  7. Tracy Heykoop said

    You are one amazing women! I get easily overwhelmed with our 6 kids and I send them off to school each day, which means I get 5 hours to myself. How do you do it? I am glad you made it to Alaska safe and sound. I only wish we could have seen you and your beautiful family before you guys took off. Once school started and soccer we don’t have very much free time. I am enjoying your blogs and keeping up with your family. Tell everyone hi from all of us!

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