Just a Tip or Two.

January 11, 2011

If you have children, gather them around you now before you begin reading this post.  Go ahead……call ’em.  I’ll wait.  It’ll be worth it.  I promise.

Okay.

For all you children out there, here’s a tip for you……..

Whenever you decide to disobey the house rules in epic proportions, whatever you do, DON’T make a recording of it with a video camera.

Here is an example that I’m just pulling out of the air just to give you an idea of what I’m talking about.

Remember, this example is purely fictional as far as you know……

Say that you aren’t allowed upstairs unless you have to use the bathroom.  You’re not allowed to play in your parent’s bedroom or go through your older sister’s closet.  You’re not allowed to sample your dad’s deodorant or go through your mom’s underwear drawer.  But, because it’s so tempting, you choose to disobey that rule.  So you wander upstairs when your mom is otherwise occupied and make the decision to wreak havoc.

Oh, but WAIT!  You also somehow secretly acquired a camera that has video capabilities and you decide to experiment with it.  And after you video-tape the overhead light and the inside of your brother’s nostrils, you set the camera down in the bathroom and the rest of the next half-hour of disobedience is recorded.

Every.  Single.  Word.

Another tip……Don’t use your dad’s razor, period.  But CERTAINLY don’t use it to shave off one of your eyebrows.

Again, just as a reminder…….just spitballing this whole thing, okay?

Also?  Don’t take pictures of what you left in the toilet.  From different angles. Exclaiming over the size and shape. Calling your little brother to come check it out.

Because all of this?

It WILL come back to haunt you one day when you least expect it.

(Think wedding rehearsal.)

One last thing.

Sorry, Mom, but some of this stuff I can’t just NOT write about.

The universe REQUIRES it of me.

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2 Responses to “Just a Tip or Two.”

  1. palmettoboy said

    There is no way that this could be a true account; those boys would NEVER do anything like that! I think the last picture I saw of them, they had wings. Such tales that this author imagines!

  2. Tonya Lancaster said

    Yep, I’m glsd you shared. Let me know when that child gets engaged, I’m going to buy stock in Pepto Bismo starting then. I figure the nervous stomach wondering if you will remember will start from that point.

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