Again.

June 22, 2011

Two months from yesterday, I’ll be 42 years old.

At this age, my mom had only one child left at home and that child was about to graduate high school.  The other two children were gone.  Married, working, being productive citizens.

And here I am, still knee-deep in diapers and car seats and temper tantrums.

One part of me is ready to be done.  To get on with the next season of life.  To be able to go grocery shopping by myself without having to rush home to nurse the newest baby.  To be able to go to a homeschool convention for a weekend and not have to worry about who will rock the littlest one to sleep while I’m gone.  To be able to go to the bathroom with no interruptions.

But none of those things are really eternal-value kinds of things, are they?

They’re just boy-that-would-be-nice kinds of things.

That part of me looks in the mirror and sees my increasing gray hairs and those thighs that won’t ever be smooth again and maybe gets a little teary-eyed on emotional days.

And the other part of me looks in the mirror and is proud of this body and what it has done and been through and all that it takes and keeps on going.

Then a wave of nausea hits me and I have to go sit down for a minute.

Because the stick turned pink.

Again.

But I’m ready.  God isn’t done with me yet.  He knows I’d be totally self-centered if I was at the end of this season or if I had an almost-empty nest or smooth thighs and an all-brown head of hair.

On bad days, it feels heavy.  Like a burden.  

But on most days, it feels like a privilege.

To help God in the making of a person.  To offer this body, tired as it is,  as a living sacrifice.  To put others first in all of this.

So I say….Bring it on!  I’m ready!

 

(Remind me to re-read this post in 6 months or so when I’m whining about how tired I am and how much things hurt on me and how scared I am of labor.  This all sounds real great NOW, but in a few months, I’m just gonna want to punch myself in the face because of this post.  Thanks!) 

 

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12 Responses to “Again.”

  1. Elisabeth said

    Congratulations on your newest little womb tenant! You know how some people say that God won’t give you more than you can handle? I thought that way myself for a long time, then realized how crazy it was. If God only gave us what WE could always handle, we wouldn’t rely on Him for anything. He uses these situations that seem unmanageable to us to make us rely on Him completely.

    Just so you know, I’m single and obviously don’t have any kids yet. You can remind me of what I just wrote when I am in the throes of pregnancy sickness/tantrums/vomiting children/7pm and I’ve forgotten to fix dinner. 🙂

    God bless you!

  2. I know exactly how you feel…not the pregnant part, but the lets-get-on-with-the-next-phase part. Our oldest just got married and the next is applying for college…I feel too tired to keep “two-different-mom-types” going. (baby #9 is 1 on friday)

    So I cried when I read your post. I will be pray for you as things get “rough”. I know the discomfort of pregnancy, the fear…FEAR… of childbirth, and the continuous draw on your every resource. And I know the privilege, too.

    You are definitely BLESSED, Allison! My prayer for today is “eyes on Christ”…not the storm 🙂

    Your virtual friend,
    Amy
    I am normally sign as “Fruitfulvine” but just got a WordPress acct!

  3. Kristin said

    Yay! 🙂 So excited for you and your family!! And, how cool will it be that at least one of your kids can say they were born in ALASKA!? 😉

  4. Mrs. Caballero said

    I’m VERY happy for you! Glad you got your 5K in first : )
    ((( )))

  5. Susan said

    YAY that is awesome. I amso excited for you guys.
    The Jensen’s
    P.s. I don’t thinkwe will ever catch up. Ha ha ha.

  6. Mindy said

    I loved this. Beautiful to read. Your willing heart is a reflection of your Savior.
    Much love.

  7. Robin said

    Congratulations!!! May the Lord bless and uphold you and your family as you continue to walk in His ways and do His work!

  8. Susanna said

    I am so happy for you and you and your family!

  9. Kathy said

    A beautiful post. Congratulations and God’s richest blessing upon you as you continue to carry out one of God’s noblest callings…bringing up your children in the knowledge of God. The world is and will be blessed by the fruit of your labor. Love you and praying for you all! Kathy

  10. Aunt Duane said

    This will be a blessed time in your life, just like the children. This is what God and life are all about – creating a human being. God is love and he did not give you more children than you can possibly love with parenthood and all it encounters. Yummy man must be thrilled. Tell all hello. All my love.

  11. Aw congrats!!!! But you know…11 is an odd number so maybe you should have 12 =) Seriously congrats on your newest blessing. We will be praying for a healthy baby and for you to feel great!

  12. abi w. said

    Serious?!? Wow! You’re amazing!!! So happy for you! 🙂 Praying that God goes before you in every way. Remember, one day at a time…just doing the next thing! Love and hugs your way!!

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