I Know

July 22, 2011

It’s been awhile.

We have had a lot of excitement around here……

But not the good kind.

Let me pause right here before I get started and tell my male readers that it’s gonna get all girly up in here.

“Uterus” may come up.  There will be several mentions of girl-type bleeding, and even though I don’t ever use the word “fetus”, the general feeling will be present.

Okay.  You’ve been warned.

On the first of this month, I began bleeding lightly.  I was hoping it was a harmless thing that comes when you’re pregnant for the thirteenth time and you also have gray hair and your eggs are starting to need a walker.

But that wasn’t the case.

I gave it a few days and then went in to be checked.

I was told the baby had died awhile back and that my body just hadn’t figured it out yet.  There was a yolk sac, a fetal pole, and a nice-sized gestational sac.

But no baby.

They checked my hcg levels and they were dropping so a miscarriage was pretty much imminent.

I decided to go home and let it happen naturally.

Bleeding progressed and increased until the late afternoon of the 18th when I began passing what I have seen referred to as Products of Conception…..POC.

I called Yummy Man and proceeded to tell him that he needed to get home….and QUICK.

Because I bleed during these times in proportions that are not healthy.

So he got to drive 80 mph in his little Ford Ranger which kinda made his day in a macabre kind of way.

He called the ER on the way home and they told him to bring me in because, the bleeding?

Not good.

So I got to go to the ER where they proceeded to tell me that everything was not complete and if things keep going in this manner, they will sic a D & C on me.

So I am having my blood levels drawn a few times and praying they go down which would indicate that everything is out and overwith.

And that’s where we are.

The children have been good with it.

Sad at first but then when we told them that this means that there are now THREE siblings waiting for them in heaven, they skipped off to play, basically.

Because you just can’t argue with the Babies In Heaven defense, can you?

You can’t NOT be happy about that, really, right?

So while we are disappointed that we will not be having another little Yummy Baby anytime soon, we are doing okay.

The time I waited to miscarry helped me work through the loss in my brain and in my heart and that’s what I needed.

I have had sudden, quick miscarriages in the past that hit me like a big, huge truck.

This was a gentle miscarriage in the sense that God led me this way in a manner that I could process well before the yucky stuff began.

So there you go.

And I do want to say how good y’all all made me feel by your excitement for us when we announced our pregnancy.

There’s always a hesitancy in announcing a 13th pregnancy just because you know that people in general find it odd and weird, but y’all made me feel good and happy and I am honored to have you as readers and friends.

So thank you.

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15 Responses to “I Know”

  1. Elisabeth said

    I’m sorry for the loss of your sweet baby. 😥 I, too, have a sibling in heaven. Glad you are doing ok physically.

  2. Kristin said

    Allison, I am so sorry for your loss. But, the “babies in heaven” mindset sure does help, doesn’t it? While we don’t always understand, God always has a plan. (((Hugs))) to you. I hope your three heavenly babes are playing with my two. 🙂

  3. I am so sorry for your loss. Your testimony is beautiful, thank you for sharing.

  4. Mother said

    Hard to read this post, Allison. I am so sorry; but I am also thankful that we trust in the Lord who knows what He is doing even when we do not. There is peace that … peace in resting in Him, and in His timing, and In His great love for us. Praying for you and your sweet family; and looking forward to our Heavenly reunion with those who have gone before us.

  5. DeDe said

    Im very grateful God has been walking you through this. I’ll be praying for you.

  6. Kim Mc. said

    I’m sorry , Allison. Wish I could give you a big ol’ hug.

  7. pcofswiowa said

    Alison, I have not been on any blog for a while. I started blogging again and I came to your blog when you first posted this. I love the stories about your family and the travels that you all do. But I have to say, I really am touched by this post. I really seen your heart and the attachment that you have with God. It is amazing how in this situation you know where you are and are not lost by emotion, but by His promises and love. I am praying for you and your family, you are right where you need to be, at the throne. God bless you, Tanya

  8. Mindy said

    Love you.

  9. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. Our prayers are with all of you. Love you!

  10. Patti said

    I cry that we will have to wait to meet your yummy baby in heaven.

  11. Celi said

    My friend, I am so sorry…there are so many of us who have yummy babies in Heaven. Makes us all a little homesick sometimes, doesn’t it? Sending you hugs from AZ!

  12. Trina said

    Love you, Dearest. Praying for you. Let us know how you’re doing when you can.

  13. abi w. said

    Oh! Allison! So sorry to hear of your loss. You’ve been on my mind much lately, and now I know why! Asking God to continue to heal your heart, and give you peace in resting in His will! 🙂 Love You, friend!!

  14. Jessica said

    I am very sorry for you loss. My heart was so sad when I read your post. I tried to send you a card but then could not find your current address. You had been on my heart so strong the week this happened & after I read the post I knew why – @ the time I had no idea why you were on my heart so I just kept praying for you. Life was a bit crazy here at the time so I had not cked your blog yet – I am praying now you are doing okay and the Lord will be w you through all this. I know it is so very heartbreaking and I am so sorry.

    Jessica

  15. […] I had the feeling that my latest pregnancy wasn’t going well and things started going south, I stopped running.  I bled for over a month and, subsequently, had […]

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