Heavy

October 4, 2011

My heart has been heavy the last few days.

We found out this weekend that friends of ours lost another son.

Their second.

And even though it happened to THEM, I can’t stop thinking about it and wondering how I would live through something like that.

How does a mom do that?

She carried him for 9 months inside her body, birthed him in joy, taught him, raised him, loved him, let him be a boy, gave him to God when he became a man with all the man-things that he would do…….and God took him back.

And yes, we rejoice that he knew the Lord.  Lived for him.  Loved him.  Made him first in his life.

But to imagine the pain that the family, the wife and children left behind, the brothers and sisters, but mostly…..the MOM…..is just making my heart hurt.

She’s given 2 children back to God.

Their time here on earth is over.

And as a mom, how do you see through all that thick fog to the end?

How are you able to say, “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord”?

So much of my life is lived right now in a season of diapers and drool, workbooks and wipes and it is hard for me to imagine a life with grown children who go out into the world where bad things happen.

Bombs explode.

People who were trying to do right and be noble and good…..get killed.

But here’s the thing…..I’ve been thinking a lot, even before this happened, and we’ve been talking about making Christ the King in our lives

Letting him have full reign.

Stepping back, out of ourselves and our desires, and letting him have his way in our lives.

Just being willing to do whatever he asks of us.

Whatever he desires us to do and be and go through.

It’s easy to do that when our lives are happy and fun and going along without hitches, isn’t it?

It’s simple to tell people about how joyful life is when you give it over to God and he gives you chubby, pink babies and a house in the country and small children who bring you flowers and color you pictures.

It’s easy to trust God with that life.

But what about when things get hard?  What then?

Do we trust him even then?  Do we believe that he still has it under control and, not only that, but is making good from it?

Do we honestly know in our heart of hearts that it is worth it to still have him as King?  To step back, away from the reigns and the temptation to take them up and try to control what is happening?

To truly trust that he still knows best?  That he still loves us?  That he will make good?

Those are hard questions. 

To tell God “yes”, even without knowing what he will ask of us.

I am completelyand totally unable to even imagine what this family is going through.  I am not saying that they just need to trust God with it all and good will come from it.  They know that.  They LIVE that. 

 I hope that I am not sounding flippant or cavalier. 

I am only writing what I am learning through another’s experience.  I am writing about what God is teaching me.  I know this family would want to know that God was getting glory even in this time of tragedy through even small, little, insignificant me, writing about the lessons I’m learning.

I hope that someday, when I am at the end of this life, that I’ll be able to look back and know that even though I didn’t understand all of what happened and why, I will know that I trusted the Lord with all of it.

Even what I perceived as the bad stuff.

And to my friends who have suffered this great loss, if you are reading this, please know how much we here are hurting for you there. 

It seems like such a cliche, and one that is weak and inadequate and  unable to convey at ALL what we feel but it’s as true as words are able to express…..

We’re so very sorry.

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9 Responses to “Heavy”

  1. tiggerandbug said

    Have read your blog for a year or two. I know, unfortunately, this woman’s loss. We lost our 16yo. son, our firstborn of 7, eight and a half weeks ago. Please send your friend my condolences. Praying she would know the comfort of the LORD. There are no words, ever.

    • oliveplants said

      I am so sorry for your loss. There are just not enough (or the right) words to express how much my heart hurts for moms who lose children.

  2. Kristin said

    I was just finishing reading this post and realized how fitting the song on the radio was to the topic. “You Are God Alone” by Phillips, Craig, and Dean says, “… right now, in the good times and bad, you are on your throne, and you are God alone.”

    Also, thanks for the reminder that we do, indeed, need to trust Him in the good and the bad.

  3. Trina said

    Love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Perfect post, not flippant or cavalier at all.

  4. joyfulmom6 said

    I too am havign a hard time with this news. My first thought was no mother should have to go through this.
    We are going
    through somethign right now and I am having to trust the Lrod more than I have ever had to before and it is really hard. But yes I agree withyou it is much easier to trust him when things are going great but what do we do when thigs are tough.
    I really am trying not to pick up the reigns and just trust the Lord.
    I want ot say thank you for posting this. You ministered to someone who needed ministering to and needed that reminder that the Lord has everything under control even when I don’t see it.
    Thank you , Susan

  5. Patti said

    You’re right, I trust the Lord most when things are good yet chafe when life becomes hard. I learned how shallow my faith was when going through trials (not nearly as hard as losing a child or loved one). Thank you for giving me a chance to pause for thought, to consider who IS in charge of my life.

    There are no words. There are only prayers that the Lord will carry those in pain through the worst of the valley of shadows until a ray of hope can pierce through the fog of sorrow.

  6. Mother said

    A beautiful post Allison. Written from a heart of caring and loving and hurting with the family …. and ALSO from a heart of TRUSTING! No, we don’t understand ‘why’ it happened, but we know and trust ‘Who’ allowed it to happen. Ordained it to happen. God held this young man in the palm of His hand from his first day of life to his last. God was there with him, walking him through the last hours, loving him, encouraging him, leading him Home. Glory!
    Your fiends are on our hearts and in our prayers. We grieve with them yet find peace, knowing their son is with the One he loved so.

  7. Thank you for sharing these thoughts and truths.

  8. abi w. said

    It’s SO sad!!! My heart is constantly hurting for them! Thanks for sharing. Wish you could be here!

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