Something New and Highly Exciting

May 8, 2012

Or just a new idea I read about and am going to try now.

But it’s probably not highly exciting.  Or new.

Anyway, it’s a blog-post idea going around the internet called “Things I’m Scared to Tell You”.  Or something like that.

Basically?  There are things about me that only my awesome kids and yummy Yummy Man know about.

Now, I’m going to tell YOU some of them.

Because I’m all courageous and giving like that.

Here goes……..

1.  Every night, I check to make sure that my youngest child (who is always a baby under 2 years old or so) is breathing.  Yep.  Every night.  If I forget, I get up out of bed and go make sure because you just KNOW that THAT would be the night they would stop breathing and then I’d be the Worst Mother in the Universe.  And yes, I do realize how irrational that is.  Your point?

 2.  I have an almost-totally flat butt.  It runs in my family and my parents obviously did not think this through before they reproduced.  Thanks, Mom and Dad.  I look like a complete idiot in pants.  At least in skirts and dresses, I can hide the fact of my non-existent-butted-ness.  Whenever I sit on Yummy Man’s lap, it lasts for about 5 minutes and then he starts moaning in pain because he can’t take my knife-sharp butt bones jamming into his thighs any longer.  Oh.  Brother.  

3.  I have a terrible memory.  I used to have the greatest memory in the world and could memorize tons of things for tests and plays and Bible verses.  Now, it’s just sad.  I will put something in a special place so that I won’t forget it……and then I forget where that was.  Yummy Man tells me to make lists, but then I forget where I put the lists, or that I even MADE the lists.  My kids often ask me if I remember when we stayed in that hotel with the water slide and the AWESOME breakfast, and I will have no recollection at all.  None.  At.  All.  Huge chunks of my childhood are gone.  

4.  Packing tape, pulled off of a cardboard box, will give me chills for hours.  HOURS!  It’s like other people and the nails-on-a-chalkboard thing. 

 5.  I’m not a phone-talker.  I would rather email a company and wait for DAYS for them to respond, than call them up and get my question answered in 30 seconds.

6.  I can’t STAND black-and-white movies.  

7.  I used to hate animated movies too, but then Pixar came into existence and now I want to marry “Up” and “Ratatouille”. 

8.  I have to force myself to not check out books at the library.  I used to read 3 or 4 books a week (sometimes simultaneously) growing up, but now whenever I check out books, I stay up until 2 a.m. reading them and then I’m a bad mom the next morning.  Also?  I’m tempted to read them when I should be doing mom things like homeschooling and changing diapers.  I have a problem with priorities when there are interesting books laying around my house.  And I do realize the sheer patheticness of that last sentence.

9.  I have a weird fetish with smelling new books and magazines.  My oldest daughter recently informed me that if people saw the way I sniff them before I begin reading, they would think I have a mental disorder.  Whatever.  I’m okay with that.  They already think that anyway, what with the ten kids and all.  Also?  If you are in your 40s, you will remember mimeograph pages in school.  THOSE were the greatest-smelling things in the WORLD!  The teacher would pass out the quizzes that she just printed out on the mimeograph machine, and they’d be all warm and pliable and smelling like heaven!  Because God created mimeograph machines on the third day, along with flowers and all the now-dead mimeograph machines will be in heaven.  In my mansion.

10.  If someone offered me $100 million, I still would not go swimming in the ocean at night.  I wouldn’t even do it for a thousand dollars.  Because I have a major fear of sharks.  Sound childish?  Okay.  I’ve never been afraid of monsters under my bed, but sharks in the ocean while my skinny, pale arms and legs are flapping around in the water?  I’d literally rather be eaten by a grizzly bear.  And that’s WAY more likely in my current situation and I actually happen to be fine with it when I compare it to being eaten by a shark.  I actually think that a shark could just swim slowly up to me and LICK me, and I’d die right then and there.  I blame my brother for most of this fear.  My brother who is a missionary.  I think he thinks that THAT will get him into heaven after what he did to me emotionally with the shark books and shark pictures and shark articles and the hiding-under-the-water-and-rubbing-my-leg-all-shark-like-until-I-screamed-bloody-murder-and-wet-myself.  Doubt that he’ll be getting into heaven for that….even WITH the missionary work and the I-love-you-Allison junk that he does now when he sees me.  WHATEVER, Scott.

So there you go.  Things you DIDN’T want to know about me and now you do.  You’re welcome, and try not to be jealous.  Also?  I think each person who comments on this highly narcissistic post should tell me one thing that others don’t know about THEM!  And make it juicy so that I feel better about my weirdness.  Because that’s what the Bible says to do….”Encourage one another, and build each other up.”  See?  A biblical lesson to go along with this post!  



6 Responses to “Something New and Highly Exciting”

  1. Heather said

    Funny/weird, but not enough to scare me away…um, yet! LOL.
    I also check on my kids every night..all of the kids! But, maybe when I’m closer to 10, I’ll fall asleep in the hallway before I get to them all:)
    Totally with you on the ocean at night. Actually, even during the day, unless it’s totally clear water!

    Things about me? I’m not that interesting. I don’t like when people throw individual pieces of trash in a large outdoor trash receptacle. My friend did that once, and I was like, “What are you doing!?” I took it out and she thought I was crazy.
    I don’t share drinks. With anyone. Not even my kids or hubby. Nope, not doing it.
    I don’t like being in the spotlight, I prefer doing behind the scenes stuff.
    Went from a brand new minivan with lots of bells and whistles to a used large passenger van – and I like it better!( Because we are saving money!)

  2. Mindy said

    Loved this!!! I did know a lot of them, but not all! 🙂
    Let’s see…you may know this already, but I love, love, LOVE to watch hockey, or better yet, go to a hockey game! It is my favorite sport, and I can get pretty pumped up. Since we don’t get to watch even a fraction of the hockey games here as we did where I grew up, my children don’t see me watch hockey that often–and when they do, I think it scares them. 🙂

  3. Connie said

    I always checked on my little ones to make sure they were breathing. Books do strange things to my priorities as well.

    By the way, I don’t know you but I have been praying for you these last few months. It sounds like you have had a hard year.

  4. What? No one has left a comment yet??? I loved your post! I can smell the freshly printed test papers, too!!!
    Here goes: (and this is a perfect confession after a day like today)
    ~~ I don’t *automatically* love my kids. Being a mom of many doesn’t mean I am a perfect example of love, generosity, kindness, patience, fun, and energy. And I have to make a conscious effort to count my blessings….even though I am so very blessed!! ~~
    Bless you dear online friend—you refresh me!!

  5. I love you all, Aunt Duane said

    #3 above caught my eye, as I too have memory problems. Especially the last sentence, huggggggggggge chunks of my childhood memory are missing.
    Spiders, can’t tolerate them, they are creepy, crawly, have way to many legs, that are furry and they can be anywhere. Usually get hubby to dispose.
    Respiratory problems, absolutely the worst. Smelly, slimmy, ugly sounds made when coughing/breathing, people don’t use kleenex (the old Indian deposit), having to suction someone – almost makes me vomit. And now you know the rest of the story!

  6. Alisha Sullivan said

    totally check on my babies under two nightly…even wake up and do it…also can’t read often since I have a priority issue as well. hmmm as to something else thats weird when my hubby is driving I like to tuck my thumbs into my fists…it makes them feel cozy I guess? and evidently when I drive I do some kinda nervous tapping I have been told and occasionally catch myself doing. Oh and I HATE to wear bottoms..whenever I am working around the house I do it just in my shirts and underwear and then go into sheer panic mode to grab my jeans from wherever I laid them before my kids open the door to whomever is knocking! lol..gosh…I thought I was pretty normal until I sat here trying to come up with something and realized just how weird I might be…I think I will stop now before I give myself a complex! hahahaha last weird one..when I walk on a side walk it bothers m
    e if I notice one foot is always landing on the next square first..I end up doing weird little hops every now and then to make it even so the other side can go first…ok…crawling under bed now! 🙂

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