November 2, 2012

We don’t do Halloween here.

We just don’t.

I won’t go into all the whys and wherefors but they are all noble except this one…..

Is it just me or is Halloween decorating just plain tacky?

I would also feel okay using the words redneck, trashy, and perhaps throwing in a garish or two.

Orange?  Really?  Black is classy but when you mix it in with orange, it just screams dollar-store-plastic-flamingoes-on-the-front-lawn to me.

Does anyone else get that?

Instead, we do “harvest parties” which, I realize, is just a cover-up but instead of plastic spiders and fake bloody hands and the always-offensive and equally-trashy skeletons, you get horns-‘o-plenty and a harmless scarecrow or two.

And pumpkins.  By they way, I know they are orange and all, but pumpkins are just classy and it kinda upsets me that they have been lumped in with the unclassi-ness that is Halloween.

Like, if I was a pumpkin?  I’d be ticked.

So we went to a harvest party at church and it was kinda rockin’ fun.  They did a raffle thing where they had all these cool kid-gifts and if you played a million rounds of bobbing-for-apples, knock-down-the-cans, and throw-the-rings-onto-the-sticks thing, you’d get tickets that you could put into the raffle for whichever gift you wanted.

Can I just say that our family CLEANED STINKIN’ UP!  My kids were so successful with winning the raffle over and over again, that I may have to rethink my stance on playing the lottery.

Literally half of my kids won stuff.

They also had raffle gifts for adults and we could’ve tried for those, but they just didn’t appeal to me.  Here is a list of what they were to see if you agree……

1.  An axe.  I have no problems with axes.  It’s just that, at this point in my life, living on a military base, I have little need for a nice axe.

2.  Ammo for a gun that we don’t own.  If the gun had come with it, that would’ve been another matter.

3.  A gift certificate to get your nails done.  I’m sorry but I just don’t get the whole pedicure/manicure thing.  I mean, WHY would I spend the time AND the money to get someone else to clip my nails and paint them when I can get that done in under 10 minutes in my own bathroom, wearing my bathrobe?  I mean seriously.  This is something that I will have to ask God to explain when I get to heaven because I just don’t get it.

4.  A container of truffles.  Now, I’m not against chocolate, but if you gave me a choice of truffles and Sour Patch Kids?  I’m not picking the truffles.  Plus, who came up with that name anyways?  It just sounds all hoity-toity, and like they would be this incredibly French pastry that you’d roll your eyes and moan at the second one hit your lips, but, to me, are just waaaay overrated dessert pieces.  Plus, I don’t need candy sitting around my house, calling to me from the cupboards.

So I didn’t play any games or get any tickets.  But I learned something new that night, as did my 4-year-old.

Apparently, the idea of a raffle, no matter how many times or ways you try to explain it, is not easily grasped by small children with cowlicks and lisps.  I found this out when the kids’ fishing pole went to another small child, and MY small child began crying uncontrollably while running dramatically across the room to my side.  BUT!  BUT!  The next name that was called…..for a small plastic toolbox….was the exact name of said toddler!

So here’s a tip I can pass on to you, my dear readers…..If you don’t get something you want someday, CRY HARD, and if there is someone that you can dramatically run to…..preferrably across a room, but a green, flowery meadow would be EVEN BETTER….do that too. (and doing it in slow motion would be even cooler!)  Because as soon as you do that, you’ll get that thing you cried about! Really!  It’s an amazing trick!

And one that I had to explain to 4-year-old was a fluke so unimaginable in our home, it would never happen again.  Sorta like seeing the Loch Ness Monster.

If we had, which we haven’t.

And assuming that it exists, which it probably doesn’t, even though I wish it did.

So there you have it.  A blog post with the words “harvest party” AND “Loch Ness monster” in it!

Try to duplicate THAT anywhere else on the internet today!


8 Responses to “Halloween…..Sorta.”

  1. Tonya Lancaster said

    TOTALLY AGREE on the Halloween stuff. I don’t get so called Christians celebrating scarry things and teaching children to beg for junk food. That goes against everything in the Bible, you know the book that Christians are supposed to be living by. Really, it sounds like a Pharisee to me and they didn’t much like Jesus. What are they teaching children today? STUPID! And the colors, whew, spare my eyes, spare my eyes.

  2. littlesiesta said

    I am so in agreement with you about Halloween. You know what is really pathetic, the celebration of Halloween is just starting to take off in Spain. Now when you could enjoy a regional holiday that boasts of roasted chestnuts and sweet potatoes over an open fire with family and friends, why would you go me it up with witches, spiders, and all that is dark and ugly…and orange and black!?!

  3. Mikala said

    Sounds like what we do at AWANA…only on a lot bigger scale. Fun!

  4. me said

    Hey lady….u gunna post anymore?

  5. Top Uncle said

    Halloween colors…..
    I also agree with the tacky colors. However those are the representative colors of the Harly Davidson Motorcycle company. Orange and Black, and when I think about it I am certain I HAVE SEEN ……
    A Loch Ness Monster wearing an Orange n Black jacket,riding a hog during the Harvest season in the Beautiful mountains of NC.
    There you go…. didn’t even take me a whole blog.

  6. Reaching out to say that I miss posts from a fellow “Olive Planter”. You crack me up and fill me up! Hoping all is well.

  7. Nominated your blog for the Liebster Blog Award. Here is the link


  8. Heather said

    Soooo going to blog anytime soon? 🙂

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